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Her taste on my tongue.

That moan of need that settled inside of me like it was always meant to be there.

Notice that.

It isn't a command to keep thinking about what happened last night, but a suggestion to take a harder look at how I am with her.

My hands tremble on the tabletop, my fingers curling to the point of pain as I dig my nails into the wood.

I was gentle. I held her when she needed to be held. I gave her what she wanted. I praised her and worshipped her in a way that made her feel safe enough to give all she had to me.

She was vulnerable in my arms, and I didn't make her lose that faith in me for a single second.

Monsters let the veil slip. You're not a monster, Nyx. You're the man people need you to be in their darkest moments.

I shake my head, rejecting the thought.

"Just a man," I mumble.

Just a man. Her man when she needs softness. Her man when she needs protection. You're hers.

It's everything I've wanted to hear, but I know it's all some sort of fucking figment of my own imagination. This isn't real. It's what I want to feel. I know I never will truly believe that one day, if I let things go further with Juliet, I will ruin her the way I ruined my mother.

I chose that day what her life was going to look like, what her future held, and I have no right to be upset that she was upset with my choices because they were ones she didn't make on her own.

I forced that life on her.

Just like I'd force a life on Juliet that she doesn't want.

She just wants to be loved.

I shake my head again.

"She just wants to be safe," I growl.

She's safe with you.

She is.

This is something I can accept.

I just know that I have to do it from a distance.

When faced with a choice, a monster will always be a monster.

And I've known what I am since a very young age.

Love doesn't change that about a man. It only makes them worse.

Chapter 48

Juliet

In my old life, I would've been anxious at such a large gathering.

As a child, I never would've even been invited.

As a teen, I'd walk around and socialize, hoping that I never let my smile slip. I would've been ready to leave the second I walked in the door, but I would never ask because it would've upset my parents.