Page 23 of Summer Ever After

Her mother’s lips pressed into a thin line, her eyes blazing. “Survive? By living as a woman without guidance, without a husband? That’s not surviving, that’s sinning.”

Beth felt her stomach knot. “Mom, I’m not sinning. I’m trying to live my life, to be safe, to be happy. I’m not doing anything wrong. You can’t blame me for Ian’s choices. What does the bible say about men like him?”

Her mother shook her head, disbelief etched in every line of her face. “I don’t understand why you can’t just… just do things right. Be the woman God intended.”

It was funny. Every time her mother was confronted with the truth, she diverted the conversation, somehow making everything Beth’s fault.

Beth’s hands curled into fists against her sides, her nails biting into her palms. She couldn’t stand here in the hallway of her mother’s condo complex and defend herself against a lifetime of judgment disguised as religious and moral concern. “I can’t do this,” she said tightly. “I don’t think I want to try this again.” She glanced around. “I couldn’t even make it through the door this time.”

“My pastor says⁠—”

“I don’t give a damn what your pastor says!”

She hadn’t realized she’d screamed until her mother gasped and lifted her hand to her throat.

“Well, Bethany, there’s no need to shout.”

“Yes, Mom, there is. You refuse to listen to me.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “If you’re going to put my marriage’s health before my own physical and mental health, then I don’t need to waste the gas to come see you again.”

Without waiting for a response, she marched back down the stairs and slammed her car door. Without looking back, she drove out of the parking lot. She didn’t know where she was going, only that she needed to be alone. The town blurred past in streaks of color as she drove, and before she knew it, she had pulled onto the public access road leading to the beach.

This was one of the last places she remembered going with her dad. One of the last times she’d been happy and herself around a man.

The parking lot was crowded with tourists, and umbrellas and towels dotted the sand like a scattered quilt. Families laughed, the scent of sunscreen hung in the air, and waves crashed rhythmically against the shore. Beth slipped from her car, shrugged off her jacket, and walked down the boardwalk, weaving through the throng until she found a quiet patch of sand.

Sitting down, she pulled her knees close, letting the noise and the chaos of strangers wash over her. She didn’t feel comforted, she felt small, exposed, just one body among hundreds, but at least she was away from judgment, away from expectations, away from the memory of her mother’s harsh words.

In her mind, she replayed that last day with her father. They had come here and fished just before sunup. Her mother hated that he would take their daughter fishing. Fishing was a man’s job. Little girls of the tender age of twelve didn’t fish.

Her dad had loved bucking her mother. He’d laugh at her uptight ways and defy them with a grin.

She smiled now as a tear slipped down her cheek. She’d loved her dad. Loved at least one man completely in her lifetime.

The sand felt gritty beneath her fingers, grounding her. The wind tugged at her hair, and for the first time that morning, she let herself breathe. Her eyes drifted to the horizon, where the sunlight danced over the water, the vastness of the ocean reminding her that there was a world beyond the confines of judgment and fear.

She’d married Ian to get out from under her mother’s controlling hold. The abusive tones, the judgments, constantly being told she was a sinner.

She’d danced her way out of the devil’s grip and straight into hell’s fire.

She’d been a fool.

There were so many different ways she could have escaped her mother. For one, she could have stood her ground like her father had.

She could have moved out. Gone away to college.

Even now, there was nothing pulling her back to visit her mother. Nothing saying she had to. Why did she torture herself by trying to be a good daughter?

For a long time, she just sat there, quiet, letting the world move around her. Her chest slowly unclenched and the panic faded, replaced by a hollow ache that wasn’t quite loneliness, not entirely grief. She was somewhere in between, caught between the two lives she had escaped and the potential freedom that she hadn’t yet fully embraced.

And somewhere in that ache, she felt the faintest echo of Aaron’s presence. The memory of his hand brushing hers, the calm confidence in his voice, the promise that he would always be there. No one could take that from her. No one could cheapen how she felt towards him by calling it a sin.

Ian had sinned. Her mother had sinned.

She just wanted to… live.

Beth closed her eyes for a moment and leaned back slightly on her hands, letting the sun warm her face. The noise of the beach, the laughing children, the tourists who didn’t know her story, all of it faded into the background. She was alone, but she was free, and for now she was happy.

She lost track of time. It was mid-afternoon, and the heat hit her as the sun climbed higher in the sky. The tide rolled steadily onto the shore, and she stood up, shook the sugar sand from her shorts, and headed back to her car.