Page 23 of The Stolen Child

‘I don’t remember that time. I was too young. Why are you interested in that, anyhow?’ Zach asked, his eyes narrowing.

‘I know. It’s a terrible cliche, delving into a person’s childhood in therapy. You wait and see. Next, I’ll be blaming the parents,’ Lily teased.

He smiled warily in return, but said, ‘I told you several times. I have good parents. I had a great childhood. Whatever is going on with me isn’t their fault.’ But he started to blink rapidly, in what Lily now recognised as one of Zach’s tells that he was lying.

‘I want to talk about the past, in particular, the time when you had nightmares and bad dreams. I’d like to see if we can find a connection between those back then and your insomnia now.’

Zach looked unsure, and he frowned.

‘Our childhood can be highly influential on our adult years,’ Lily continued, then paused as she felt a stab of pain under her rib cage. There was nothing physically wrong with her. She knew that. But whenever her mind drifted back to Ben’s birthday and her mother’s confusing statement about guilt, she’d had a physical reaction.

‘Are you okay?’ Zach asked, his own eyes narrowing as he watched Lily.

‘Sorry. Yes. I’m fine.’ She shifted her position to sit up straight. ‘When you were a child, and something went wrong, who did you go to for help?’

‘My dad,’ Zach answered immediately.

‘Not your mother?’

His nose scrunched up for a moment as he pondered this. ‘If I fell or hurt myself, I’d always go to Mom. She’s loving. A nurturer . . .’ His face clouded, and he paused, leaving his thought unsaid.

Lily knew she had to push him a little further on this. ‘There’s a but there. I can hear it.’

‘Ha! Not much gets past you.’ Zach smiled. ‘Let’s say that I worked out young that there was no point in asking my mother about certain subjects. She’d get this look . . .’

‘Like what?’

‘My biological father was a no-go. I wanted to know his name when I was about eleven. I mean, I always knew that I was Dom’s stepson. But, honestly, we never did the whole step thing. He was just Dad. But then a kid in school reconnected with his birth father, who he’d been estranged from. He was full of stories about how alike they were, and it made me curious. So I asked my mother about my birth father. She shut it down immediately. Refused to discuss him with me. Dad took me aside that evening and explained why.’

‘Can you share that with me?’ Lily asked.

‘Dad told me that my father . . .’ Zach’s face darkened, ‘was abusive to my mother.’

Lily could see so much pain on Zach’s face. ‘I’m sorry. That must have been difficult to learn. How did it make you feel?’

‘Honestly, I was angry at first. The thought of anyone laying a hand on my mom made me want to hit something. But afterwards, once Dad had calmed me down, I felt grateful.’

‘For what?’

‘For my mom’s strength to leave that asshole. For giving us both a better life.’

‘That’s astute from one so young. Looking back, can you understand why she found it difficult to talk to you about it?’

Zach nodded. ‘Of course.’ Then he said flatly, ‘He’s dead now anyhow. My birth father.’

This was new information. ‘When did you find that out?’

‘At the same time, when I was eleven. After I approached Dad about my father, he looked him up. Said he wanted to see what he was up to. He discovered that he’d died a few years previously. He was young. Prostate cancer.’

‘That must have been difficult to hear. How did it make you feel?’

‘That I needed to get my prostate checked.’ Zach’s joke landed awkwardly between them.

Lily raised an eyebrow, giving him time to answer her more honestly.

‘Truthfully, I was relieved that he was dead. It meant that I didn’t have to face him. Otherwise, by now, I would have had to have looked him up, I suppose. And that would have hurt my mother. Perhaps me too. It’s better this way.’

‘Does your mom know about this?’