Page 171 of Faking the Goal

"Nothing about my feelings," I correct. "I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing. Make sure she's safe. Be there when she needs me. And try to earn back the trust I was stupid enough to lose in the first place."

Mom studies me quietly, and I turn my attention back to the coffee in front of me.

"Until I know she trusts me again, I'm not going to tell her how I feel and expect her to just take my word for it." I shake my head. "I want her to know me better first. The real me. Not the asshole who spent weeks giving her every reason to hate him. And when the time is right, I'll tell her."

Mom reaches across the table and squeezes my hand.

"If you've apologized sincerely, and you're showing her through your actions that you're trying to do better, then you're already giving her a reason to trust you again."

She smiles.

"You don't have to rush it, Ken-chan. Just keep being there. Keep showing her she can count on you."

Her eyes drift toward Taylor, who's completely absorbed in shelving another stack of books.

"Just keep showing up."

I follow her gaze.

"You know..." Her voice softens. "The very first time I met Taylor, I remember thinking, I'm going to love this girl. And I was right." A tender smile finds her lips before she looks back at me. "She's changing you, Ken-chan."

I frown.

"For the better." She reaches over to smooth my hair away from my forehead, just like she used to when I was a kid. "I haven't seen you smile like this in such a long time." Her eyes grow misty. "I haven't seen you this... light."

She pauses, searching for the right words.

"For a while now, it felt like you were only letting the world see the serious parts of you. You still smiled... but never like this. Never this easily."

Her voice trembles.

"She makes you laugh again. She brings out the warmth in you that you've kept tucked away for so long. She's bringing my sweet Ken-chan back." She cups my cheek gently and tears well in her eyes, but she smiles anyway.

The words settle heavily between us.

Mom lowers her gaze, her smile growing sad around the edges.

"I've spent so many years wondering if I could've done more." She lets out a shaky breath. "If I had stood up to your father sooner... if I hadn't let his expectations become yours... maybe..." She trails off, blinking rapidly. "Maybe I wouldn't have watched the light in your eyes fade a little more every year."

My chest tightens.

"When you were little, you used to laugh so easily." She smiles faintly at the memory. "You were mischievous. Curious. You smiled with your whole face." Her voice wavers. "Then, little by little, you started carrying yourself like every mistake would disappoint someone. Like you had to be perfect all the time."

A tear slips down her cheek.

"I know your father's strictness... and our divorce... changed so much for you and Miho. Sometimes I can't help wondering if I failed to protect you from all of it."

I reach across the table before I even think about it, brushing away the tear with my thumb.

"Ma..." My voice comes out quieter than I intend. "Don't say that."

She looks up at me.

"You know I've never blamed you."

And I never could.

If anything, she was the one who finally saved us.