Page 329 of Faking the Goal

I want to gather every ounce of guilt weighing him down and throw it into the deepest part of the ocean where no one could ever find it again. He has carried enough of it already, and none of this was ever his burden to bear.

He lets out a shaky breath, but it catches halfway, breaking into the quietest sob.

"I..." He drops his head for a moment, squeezing my hand so gently I'm not even sure he realizes he's doing it. "I thought..." His voice cracks, and he has to stop to steady himself before trying again. "I thought I lost you."

My heart breaks.

"When Luke called..." He shuts his eyes, another ragged breath escaping him. "I—I couldn't get to you fast enough." He laughs bitterly through tears that refuse to stay hidden. "I've never driven that fast in my life. I kept praying... just one prayer over and over again..." His shoulders tremble. "'Please let her still be alive. Please don't let me be too late.'"

A tear slips down my cheek.

"When I got to the hospital..." He swallows hard. "There was so much blood." His face crumples, and for a second he looks completely lost. "They wouldn't let me see you because they were rushing you into surgery, and all I could do was stand there while they wheeled you away."

His voice grows quieter with every word.

"I kept thinking... What if that's the last time I ever see you?"

"Ken-chan..."

"I sat outside those operating room doors for hours." His thumb strokes the back of my hand absentmindedly. "Every time they opened, I thought they were coming to tell me..." He can't finish the sentence. He lowers his head, shaking it once before a broken laugh escapes him. "God... I was so scared."

My own vision blurs.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I'm so... so fucking sorry, Trouble."

I shake my head as best as I can against the pillow.

"No."

Another tear rolls down my temple.

"This wasn't your fault."

"It was."

"No." My voice is barely above a whisper, but I make myself hold his gaze. "Charlie did this. Not you."

"I was supposed to protect you."

"You couldn't have known."

"I promised you." His voice breaks all over again. "I promised I'd keep him away from you and I feel like I failed you."

"You didn't fail me."

"I did."

"You didn't."

Our tears fall together now, neither of us bothering to hide them.

I tighten my fingers around his as much as my battered body will allow.

"Ken-chan..." My own voice trembles. "Please don't do this to yourself."

He looks at me for a long moment before lifting his free hand to my face. His thumb brushes gently beneath my eye, catching the tear before it can slide any farther.

"It hurts seeing you cry," he murmurs.