Page 115 of To Tango, with Desire

“I love you, Dad. I’m here. You can rest now. I’m not going anywhere.”

I placed a kiss on his forehead, waiting until he fell asleep again.

It wasn’t too long before his surgeon arrived, and an hour later, after consulting with his cardiologist, he was given the green light for surgery. I was on the phone with my siblings, explaining it all so that my mother didn’t have to. The very thought of Dad having emergency surgery left me feeling jittery and on edge.

Given the length of the prep time and surgery, the doctors had told us to go back home, get some rest, and come back by lunchtime.

Even though I wanted to stay, I could tell my mom needed a chance to lie down. She had been up most of the night and looked about ready to collapse from all the nervous energy.

We dropped her home so she could sleep for a little bit, promising to pick her up on our way back to the hospital.

But when we went home, all I could do was pace. Zane made us breakfast, but my appetite had disappeared. All I could think about was my dad looking so frail in that hospital bed. If something went wrong, no amount of money in the world was going to save him.

“At least have the smoothie, Amira.”

I toyed with the straw of my berry smoothie, then slowly sipped at it. But I couldn’t seem to taste a thing.

“You need to keep your strength up.”

“I need my dad to get through this.”

Zane squeezed my thigh. “He’s in the best care. All we can do is wait to hear what the doctors have to say.”

“What if—”

“Hey, look at me.”

I breathed in, frightened. I had a terrible feeling, like something bad was going to happen, and any attempts at slowing my frantic heart were in vain. A wave of helplessness consumed my ability to reason.

I looked at Zane, trying my best to focus.

“Whatever happens, we’ll deal with it. Together.”

I nodded, not sure what to say.

“Why don’t you lie down for a while? Get a bit of rest?”

I shook my head. While my mind and body felt like it was in a fog, I knew that I was too restless to find any respite. So I worked, finding solace in my office for a few hours, until my stomach reminded me that I needed to eat.

Grabbing an apple, I nibbled at it, unable to get the picture of my father out of my head.

“I’m going to call the hospital,” Zane announced. “His surgery should be wrapping up by now.”

I nodded, watching as he made the inquiries.

“What is it?” I stood, examining his face. He was worried, that much I could see.

“They said they’re still in surgery.”

“I thought they’d be finished already.”

“Not according to the nurse I spoke to.”

The terrible feeling resurfaced. “I want to go in.”

“Let’s get your mom.”

On the way, I was consumed by nerves. But having Zane’s steady, calming presence by my side helped allay some of the fears. It was only when we arrived at the hospital to find out they were still in surgery that I succumbed to terror. That same feeling of dread wrapped around my chest once more, making it harder and harder to breathe.