Page 158 of To Tango, with Desire

“I’ve set up an apartment for you.”

“Zane—”

“Just, hear me out. We’ve been down this road before, and I know that the real work begins when you step outside this facility. I want you to never have to come back here. I want you to be able to thrive and live the life you deserve.”

“You don’t need to mind me.”

“I’m doing what I should have done all those years ago. I’m sorry for not supporting you back then. I’m sorry for not knowing what you went through. For not bothering to ask or find out. For accepting things.”

“I appreciate it. But I wanted to meet you to apologize, too. Formally. Not while I was hungover from some bender.” Kade looked me in the eye. “I put you through hell. I know that. Therapy has helped me finally talk about what happened with my mom. I couldn’t before. Not fully. But I was strong enough—” He paused, “No, I’d hit rock bottom hard enough to realize the truth. I was only hurting myself. Running away from the pain wasn’t going to help heal what had happened to my mom. Or your mom. Or even change my dad.”

The weight that had been pressing against my chest eased. I didn’t realize how much tension I’d been carrying until he said those words. Until he accepted responsibility for what he’d done. This was different. He was different. “I accept your apology. It means a lot to see that you’re able to get the help you need. To really want it.”

Kade leaned back in his chair. “That’s the key, hey? All those other times, I was forced. I’m not saying getting me here was easy, but I wanted it. I needed it because I knew that I wasn’t going to survive another bender like that.”

“I’m proud of you. I know it’s not easy, so I’ll be supporting you financially until you get back on your feet.”

“I want to pay you back.”

“You need to focus on starting fresh. I don’t want your money. I just want to see you doing something you love.”

“I’m trying to figure out what that is. Omar shoved the business world down my throat for so long that any of my hobbies were seen as a waste of time.”

“Now you can explore.”

“It scares me.”

“I know.”

“Just like admitting that my mom committed suicide is scary. But I’m owning it. I’m grieving it. I’ll never forget her or what happened, and remembering, oddly enough, is helping me heal. I still get nightmares. Not very often, but I don’t want it to trigger me like it did before. I want to be better.”

“Give it time. You will, Kade.”

“My therapist has encouraged me to say this to you, to get it off my chest. And for so long, I’ve been afraid of your reaction. I know it’s my fault. Me having an affair with Chloe killed our relationship. I think it’s no surprise that I’ve always been jealous of you. I felt that Dad favored you, and I think I tried too hard to be something that I thought he wanted rather than being myself. That’s on me.

“I stupidly thought that if I acted on my feelings with Chloe, then it would prove something. When she said she felt the same way, it made me feel good, like I finally had one over you. I promised her I—” He cleared his throat. “I could give her more than you could. At the time, I just wanted to have your life. To be you. Or my dad. I don’t know, I’m still figuring that stuff out.”

“You made some shit mistakes. But you’re owning up to them now and I appreciate it. I thought I forgave you, but I realize now that I didn’t. Not fully. So I was lying to myself all this time. But Kade, brother, know that I forgive you completely. For everything.”

“Thank you.” The tears shimmered in his eyes. He pressed his palms to them, sniffing a few times. “I’ll never get this all out if I start crying, and God knows I’ve been doing a lot of that lately.”

“Tears are good, healthy. I’m starting to see that myself.”

“You’re lucky, you know that? To have Amira. She’s one of a kind and strong enough not to put up with your shit.”

I grinned. “I know.”

“She has heart.”

“She does.”

“And she’s changed you. In a good way.”

“Christ, Kade, don’t, for the love of God, tell her that.”

His grin was rueful. “Lips are sealed. Listen.” Kade leaned forward. “I’ve a lot of therapy to go, but I’m feeling better and also kind of worse at the same time. It’s hard to accept that the person I am isn’t good. That who I want to be is so far out of reach, it may as well be a version of me from another galaxy. But apparently, that’s a normal part of recovery.

“I know I’ll never be able to repay you for all the money I stole, all the pain I’ve caused. I know you could press charges.”