Page 92 of To Tango, with Desire

Zane shook his head, but his shoulders lowered a fraction. “Do you know what it was like walking in to see him pawing at you?”

“He wasn’t—”

“I have eyes!”

“I would never hurt you, Zane. I’m not Chloe. Kade was upset and needed comforting. I was about to push him away when you walked in.”

“That man’s a snake, Amira. I’ve warned you about him from the get-go. I don’t know what his agenda is, but something isn’t right. And I would appreciate it if you trusted me.”

“That’s a joke, right? You won’t even trust me to tell me about what Kade did, but I’m meant to trust you? No, Zane. The thing about trust is, it goes both ways. Your dinner with Kiki? You claim it was no big deal, but you lied all the same about it.”

“What do you want from me?”

The question broke my heart. He was frustrated, I could see his anger, hear it in his cold, clipped tone, but it dawned on me that I wanted more than this man would ever give me.

I wanted it all, and it made my heart sick to stand in front of him demanding it.

It wasn’t meant to be this way. I didn’t want to bargain for his confidence. I wanted to have a relationship with him that was real. We may have an arrangement, but it didn’t mean it had to be like this. I’d wanted this marriage to work, to be with Zane in a way that was deep and meaningful. But maybe I was just deluding myself. Was he incapable of offering me more? Incapable of being the husband I needed?

All I could see were my parents, standing in the kitchen, spitting ugly words meant to hurt and wound. Loud voices in the dark of night. Fists raised in anger. Then the sickening silence of the next day, the tension in the air stifling us all.

“I want you to want to tell me.” I cleared my throat, refusing to succumb to the sadness in my heart. “I want you to share these things, not because I find out by accident and then demand answers. I want you to—”

I breathed out. I wanted him to love me enough to be vulnerable.

Love? What a joke. Zane had shut himself off, determined to never fall in love again. He’d told me that from the beginning and I’d stupidly married him in the hope that things might change. Now I knew they never would.

“What?” he pressed.

“I want this to be a real relationship.”

“It is.”

“It doesn’t feel like it to me. If you trusted me, you would’ve shared this with me. I assumed that Kade’s betrayal was a business thing. I never in a million years would’ve imagined it was this.”

“It’s in the past. It’s done.”

“It isn’t if you’re not able to talk to me about it. Saying it is doesn’t make it so.”

How did you comfort a man like that? I wanted to connect with him but had no idea how to break through those barriers.

“I went to therapy, Amira.” He sounded weary, almost bored of the conversation. But all I could think about was how devastated he must have felt finding out his fiancée had feelings for his best friend. “I did all the work and healed from that pain. I’ve left it in the past where it belongs. I’m married to you, end of story. What Chloe and Kade did happened. I can’t change it, but I also don’t want to relive it.”

I bit my lip. This would only work if one of us took charge. I might be married to the bossiest man on the planet, but I wasn’t going to let some bitch from his past be an issue for us. What I craved more than anything right now was a genuine connection with my husband. And if that meant putting in the hard work to get it, then so be it.

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that they did that to you.”

“I’m not.”

I sputtered, shocked at his admission.

He closed the distance between us, taking me in his arms. “I’m not sorry, Amira. You think I’m crazy for saying it, but I’m not because all that shit led me here. To you.”

Gently, tenderly, he kissed me.

And my heart ached for the man who’d been so badly hurt. For the man who’d once believed in love but had had his heart broken. If I wanted to move forward, I couldn’t let myself focus on his past. If Zane said he’d moved on, then I could, too.

Our first two months as a married couple had been a whirlwind, but it was time for us to make space for each other. To dig deep.