Page 72 of You Were Always the One

‘I’ve taken him home,’ Natalie says. ‘He seems to be settling in, but one of my cats hasn’t taken to him.’

‘He must miss her,’ I say. ‘If it doesn’t work out, maybe I could take him?’

‘Would you? I want to give him a little longer – can I let you know?’ She glances behind her into the house. ‘That reminds me – Mum left you something.’

‘That’s so kind, but I can’t accept gifts,’ I say.

‘It’s only small,’ Natalie says. ‘I’ll get it for you.’ She goes inside, coming back a minute later with a small book which she hands to me. ‘She was adamant she wanted you to have it. I think she’s written in it to you.’

I take the book. A Hundred Ways to Live. Then opening it, I read in Dora’s familiar handwriting:

To Holly, I hope your life is as wonderful as mine was.

With grateful thanks. Dora

I feel an odd mix of emotions as I walk back to my car, as I imagine Dora watching me. Then as I place her book on the seat beside me, I feel something palpably shift inside me. Riggs was right. Back when we were younger, I was someone who believed anything is possible. The kind of person who made things happen, not someone whom life simply carried along.

And somewhere inside, it’s who I still am, even if right now it doesn’t feel like it. The old Holly was someone who seized opportunities. Who embraced what came her way – it’s why I married Miles. I did really love him – until we changed in that unpredictable way that married couples sometimes do.

I need to stop living in the past, that much I do know. All of it, good and bad, has already happened. I can’t change it.

When I get home, I go inside, clutching the book. More than ever, I’m aware that life is short. Nothing is certain. But the power of family is everything. And though none of us were expecting to be faced with a terminal illness, together, we’re going to get through this.

I tiptoe into the sitting room where Miles is asleep on the sofa. Then finding my phone, I take it outside and call Rita.

She answers straight away. ‘How are you, Holls?’

‘OK. Good,’ I say. ‘How about you?’

‘Same old,’ she says. ‘Another date with a fuckwit man I wished I hadn’t bothered with. My boss is giving me grief over something that’s nothing to do with me. Nothing a large glass of wine won’t fix. Talking of which, can I come and see you at the weekend?’

‘I’d love you to.’ I hesitate. ‘I’d better talk to Miles – only because he starts radiotherapy on Friday.’ I change my mind. ‘Actually, come. Charley – one of my patients – has invited the kids and me over on Saturday You should come too – you’ll really like her.’

‘Cool,’ Rita says. ‘Dare I ask, have you seen Riggs?’

‘Briefly.’ My mood dips. ‘He’s going away – to France. He says it’s only for a couple of months…’

‘Oh, Holls. I can’t believe it. Why now of all times?’ Rita says.

‘I’m sad about it. But honestly, my life feels so upside down at the moment, him not being here does make things simpler.’

‘You sound better,’ she says curiously.

‘I’ve no idea why, but I feel better,’ I tell her. More ready to take on whatever’s next.

When I go back inside, Miles comes into the kitchen. ‘Rita’s coming over on Saturday,’ I tell him. ‘But you’ll have the house to yourself. We’re going out for the afternoon.’

‘Fine.’ He looks at me uncertainly. ‘Are you free tomorrow? I have my first appointment. I wanted to ask you if you’d come with me.’

‘Of course,’ I say. ‘I’ve decided to take some time off, Miles.’ It’s the perfect timing, now that Charley no longer needs me.

He frowns. ‘Not on my account, I hope.’

‘It’s as much for me as you,’ I tell him. ‘And I want to help, in whatever way I can. Even if it’s only driving you.’

‘Thank you,’ he says gruffly. ‘I appreciate you doing this.’ He looks as though he’s going to say something else, but just then, Grace bursts in, followed by a more subdued Max.

‘We have a netball match next Friday!’ she says excitedly. ‘I’m in the team.’