Page 19 of Sorry

My mind was swirling with shit. I knew I had abandonment issues, I knew Tess and I should have never gotten together in the first place. I was not sad about the divorce at all, I was just afraid of being alone. Even though not being alone meant I was treated like dog shit. It’s a huge change after so many years of being married and living in a fantasy that I was part of a ‘family’. I would be OK. I had to believe that. I had Matt and Jake right? Maybe even Sam now? I hope…

I don't know how much time had passed with me just standing under the shower. I was pulled from my haze by Matt knocking on the door startling me. He shouted, “Hey, are you ok? You have been in there for a hot minute?”

“Yeah, I’m coming out now.” I felt more myself, the shower helped me stop shivering. I dried up and got dressed. Jake’s clothes were a bit too tight and short but they would work for now.

When I walked out, Matt and Jake were standing around their kitchen island and I heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I came closer only to see Sam wearing an apron with a fruit pattern on the front, that looked like it had been used a lot. He was covered in flour, wrapping little dollops of what looked like jam into small dough triangles, similar to a miniature croissant.

“Hey. Did you warm up?” Sam asked, placing the last thing he rolled on the large baking tray, and straight into the oven. There were dozens of them.

“Yeah, thank you for... Yeah...” Running my hand on the back of my neck, I felt a bit awkward and embarrassed from the state I had shown up at their door in, and them seeing me like that.

“Good! And don’t mention it. Sit at the island please. I’ll make you a warm drink. Do you have any preference? I brought a few of my favorite herbal teas, or can I make you coffee?” Pointing at a few boxes of tea, to show me the options.

I preferred coffee but I wanted to taste Sam's favorite tea, so I said almost too fast. “Your favorite tea please.” I heard a quiet snicker probably from Jake.

He set the kettle on the stove top and turned it on, then he turned on the microwave. I saw the Tupperware box already in it, then they all turned to look at me at the same time.

“Ok Alex. Talk. What happened? What did the swamp witch do?” Jake spat out. I burst out laughing. Not just a little laugh, but I was almost manic.

“She is pregnant and I am homeless!” I just blurted out, through a fit of laughter. Their mouths dropped open. Nobody said a word for a while, I stopped laughing eventually.

“That bitch!” Jake shouted.

“I am so sorry Alex. But what do you mean by homeless? Who’s child is it?” Matt walked over to me, placing his arm on my shoulder.

“Paul the dickhead, most likely and she wants me out. I signed the divorce papers.” I scoffed.

“Shit. What a bitch!” Jake added, visibly trying to contain his rage but only barely.

“You can crash here man, but that sofa is tiny and you are a giant. How is she throwing you out though? Isn't that house meant to be split in the divorce?” Matt added.

“I have a week to leave, I can find somewhere to rent, maybe just a room somewhere. I hope we get hired for a job soon, so I can afford it. As for the house, even though it was a ‘a gift for our wedding’ it's in her parents' names. I don't stand a chance and I don’t think I want it either.” Sam cleared his throat, and the three of us turned to face him. He was pouring tea for all of us.

“I have a room you can use but also, I may have a job for you guys. Oh and Alex… Fuck that bitch!” He said, matter-of-factly.

Well now… I swear I heard crickets. That's a lot to process. He is offering me a room to live with… HIM? He is offering us a job? And a sweet and innocent looking Sam, just cursed Tess out. I suddenly forgot I was supposed to be feeling bad.

“Ok, so it seems like a cat got y'll's tongues, let me explain. This evening, I found out that my Baka not only left me the house but left me some savings too, enough to make some large changes to the house. And who better than the local contractors to do it? I also I have two bedrooms upstairs. I only use one of them and you can use the other one beside mine. The renovations will be done downstairs. I won't pry more into your business but I am here for you, just as you were for me. Think about it and let me know your answer. Now here is your tea. It's a mix of mint and chamomile, one of my favorites for when I am upset.” He walked over to the microwave, took the large Tupperware out of it and placed it in front of me. Leaning on the countertop he said, “Eat. This is a leftover goulash I made yesterday. It's always the best the next day anyways.”

“Thank you… That's so generous of you. I don’t know what to say other than I don't need to think about it, I want to move out as soon as I can.” I said, surprising myself at how right this felt.

“Wait dude, that means you'll be our neighbor too! That's AWESOME!” Jake exclaimed.

“That's so kind of you Sam.” Matt added.

Shit all the food was so good, I ate all of it. If I didn't fall into a trance-like state when I inhaled the yummy food, I might have been weirded out by how much Sam stared at me while I ate. It seemed he took a lot of pride in his food, as he should. It was so delicious, I wasn't even breathing between bites. The beef was so tender it was falling apart in my mouth, the sauce was so rich and the mash potatoes were smooth and fluffy. I would order this in a restaurant for sure. It was like magic. Earlier I was having an existential crisis, now I was grunting and moaning with every mouthful, like I was having an orgasm.

After I finished eating, Matt and Jake started talking with Sam about the renovations he wanted done. I piped up occasionally. Enjoying the tea and soft warm bread rolls filled with plum jam and sprinkled with powdered sugar. I must have eaten eight of them. Sam wanted to turn downstairs into a bakery, specializing in Serbian pastries and he had the idea of one side of it having fresh hot meals almost canteen style but with just a few different dishes, nothing too fancy. I think his food could be served in a Michelin star restaurant but that would mean he wouldn't be in Lantry, so I kept that thought to myself.

Yeah, selfish I know. But I love food… Sue me.

We agreed to start in the next week or two. They were insisting I needed time to sort my life out, so I was not allowed to be working with construction tools and potentially lose my finger or worse. I agreed even though not wearing shirts while I work was a bigger hazard but hey.

“Sam, are you sure you are ok with me being your roommate. I am sorry if it's none of my business but I thought Miss Jenny mentioned you had a partner. Wouldn’t he mind? Will he be moving here too? If you asked me because you felt sorry for my pathetic self, and now you regret it, I would totally understand it I promise.” I said it sincerely. I would hate it if he felt uncomfortable with me in his space, I took up a lot of it. Sam tried to cover the slight hitch in his breathing.

“You are not pathetic Alex, that bitch did you dirty.” Jake pipes up. He doesn’t like me or Matt talking badly about ourselves.

“No, absolutely not. I can’t say I am not nervous, but that is my personal hang up. My ex-partner won't be living with me.” He paused and didn't elaborate, “Miss Jenny would not be singing y'll's praises, if she thought you would hurt me.” He shut his mouth so fast, his teeth made a loud clank noise.