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I had accepted that I found him beautiful and that I may have even found him attractive, but this incident solidified it. I had no problem acknowledging my new found sexuality. I never had issues with others being gay, so why would I think any differently about myself?

I hadn't a clue what I would do with a man. What would I like? How would it feel? I just knew that when I saw Sam writhing in pleasure like that, all I wanted was to go over and join him, in any way he’d let me. I was curious enough to want to learn about this side of me. Damn. I was going to have to relearn —at thirty years of age— how to flirt all over again, but now… with men. Not all men, just Sam. That's if he would even spare me a second glance. A man can dream. I've had lots of homework to do. Since I wouldn't be starting work on the renovations downstairs for a week or two, I needed to research all things, men. From flirting, to how to date a man, to how too… flashback to the night I stumbled upon that bisexual threesome and where this awakening began. That gave me an idea to give a few gay porn videos a try, and see if my dick reacted again. I mean, I certainly had a semi from just seeing Sam touching himself.

I watched him cum for two or three seconds before my brain restarted, and realized what I was doing. UGHHH... I was thinking about his dick now… Nah, I didn’t need porn, I think I got my answer.

My mind was all over the place. I should have been asleep but I kept thinking of the sounds Sam made. How would they sound if he was making them in my ear? How would his small body feel against mine, skin-to-skin? Was it wrong of me to think all these dirty thoughts, about the guy who just had a pretty rough time in his life? From what I had picked up from him it wasn't sunshine and rainbows to say the least. And so soon after my own life fell apart. I don't know... I may have to talk to ‘THE CREW’, and get ready for another round of them busting my balls. I have been alone far too long. Is it too soon for me to find another person attractive or even wanting to just sleep beside them? I don’t know.

I managed to quiet my mind by just imagining Sam sleeping beside me, snuggled into my front. Me smelling the shampoo of his wild curls, that I still remembered from when we sat beside each other in the van. I would cocoon him with the sheer size of my body, make him feel safe. I fell asleep with those images floating in my head.

The next morning I woke up to the smell of bacon. I couldn’t resist that, it was like it called my name. I jumped out of the bed, nearly toppling over the boxes I still hadn’t unpacked. I got dressed in my usual loungewear and considered putting on a shirt, I decided it was better to get fully dressed, and see how much I fucked up bad last night, by barging in on him while he was jacking off.

Besides the strong smell of bacon, I could smell Sam's shampoo or maybe his body wash as I walked past the bathroom. The air felt damp, he must have recently had a shower. I took a deep breath through my nose. Stop it you creep! I scolded myself. This was going to be hard, considering I was at the stage where he was all I could think of and nothing else... My head should be examined. I got to the end of the hall, and in the kitchen I saw Sam adding more bacon to the mountain of bacon, already on a large plate. Beside it sat a large frying pan with a glass lid, there were six or seven sunny side up eggs inside.

“Good morning, Sam. The house smells like heaven itself. Well if heaven had a smell, I would imagine it would smell like your cooking.” He jumped slightly at hearing my voice, and expelled a breath. “Sorry I startled you.”

“Good morning. Don’t mind me, I am always jumpy. I made breakfast. Do you like bacon? I also made eggs. I should have asked before I made it. You might not like any of this. I didn’t want to force you to eat Serbian food so I tried something more universal like bacon and eggs. I should make a list of the things you like and don’t like so I don't mess up.” Sam was talking nervously, while running around the kitchen making what smelt like coffee. He was making it on the stove, in a weird little metal cup with a handle.

“I love all the food. Sam.” but I noticed he wasn’t paying attention. “Hey. Look at me. You don’t even need to make me food, but I love everything you made me so far, so much I'd probably close my eyes, open my mouth and let you feed me anything you want.” He stopped dead in his tracks. Seeing just the side of his face from where I was sitting, I could see his ears turning red. OH! SHIT! I realized that sounded a bit sexual. “Didn’t mean... I mean... crap! I…” I got flustered like a schoolgirl talking to her crush.

Sam burst out laughing. He turned around, taking the little pot with him stirring the contents. “It’s fine. It’s not a bad image you painted in my mind, but probably for you it’s not that great you know… because you are straight.” He giggled.

Straight… That would never make me pause before, but now, it just didn't feel right. “I wouldn’t say I am straight. I think I might be bi?” I said it as a question. I actually felt embarrassed that at my age, I didn't know who or what I am. He looked at me, pausing the pour of the best smelling coffee I ever smelled in my life. “Yeah I know how that sounds. It's just... I have been with Tess since high school and I never had any other experiences but I recently discovered I am finding men attractive too. So I am thinking I must be bi?” I said, biting the inside of my cheek.

“You don't have to put a label on it. You can just be who you are. Just Alex. Or if you wish to label yourself then use the one that feels right for you.” He simply said.

That actually took the pressure off my overthinking. I could just be Alex. Alex, who likes women and men. “Thank you Sam, that actually helps. Also, thank you for not throwing me out after last night. I am so sorry for barging into your room like that. I just thought to check on you after you ran off because I felt bad." I apologized, wringing my hands together feeling embarrassed.

"Don’t worry about it. I am sorry you had to see that, I would not throw you out for something like that, and I appreciate you cared enough to check on me. You didn’t scare me at all. I promise. Now! Breakfast!” He changed the subject. Thank God! “Toast is about to be ready. Here is your plate and eat as much as you want, I can always make more. This is Turkish coffee if you want to try it?” Looking at me, hopeful, with those big, gorgeous eyes.

“Yes please, could I have some sugar in it?” He handed me the jar of sugar. He told me to wait a minute for the coffee grounds to settle on the bottom because it was unfiltered. “Do you have any plans today Sam?” I asked, taking a sip of the coffee he made, and letting out an almost sexual moan. I realized quickly, I wouldn’t be able to drink any other coffee ever again. It was so good.

“Apart from meeting with Miss Jenny and the lawyer to sign some papers, I don’t have other plans. I'll just come back here and probably read some books or watch TV. You?” Sam answered, casually wiping the countertop.

“I am going to see Matt and Jake for a while and then I have no plans either. Maybe we could continue watching ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ or something else, if you are in the mood for it?” I suggested, hoping he'd say yes.

“Yeah I'd love that” He responded.

I was trying not to grin like a lunatic but couldn't help it, that made me so giddy. God… I’m having a crush. Do adults have crushes? It felt exciting. New. Refreshing.

We finished breakfast and went about our morning. He went to meet with Miss Jenny and the lawyer, and I walked over to Matt and Jake’s house.

CHAPTER 27

SAM

Miss Jenny and I were sitting in the County Clerk's office, downtown with Baka’s lawyer, signing the paperwork that meant her home now belonged to me.

I was floored when they told me she had left me with the $300,000 from her savings account. I didn’t know how to react. I was just signing paperwork on autopilot, as they were handed to me. She set me up to have a home and so that I could afford renovations, plus enough to open my dream bakery. I was overwhelmed, I was sad but mostly I was grateful for everything she has done for me.

We finished all the legal mumbo-jumbo, and I just wanted to go back home, lay on the couch and process everything that happened since last night. Alex caught me jerking off, he and I had breakfast together this morning almost like nothing happened, and we might have flirted? I was unsure of everything.

The biggest surprise was his declaration that he wasn’t straight, which I shouldn’t have assumed in the first place. I know I shouldn't even think about flirting or dating. Kyle could find me. He could hurt me and the person I am with. That was my biggest fear. Thinking about all of that was just me deflecting from the thoughts about Baka.

I was just walking back into my house and up the stairs when I heard singing. Is that Alex? I didn’t know what song it was but it sounded very country. I walked in and Alex was… Fuck!

He was only in his dark gray sweats and no t-shirt, dancing barefoot in the kitchen, while singing and washing the dishes. I was stuck on the spot. I wouldn't be surprised if I was drooling. He was magnificent. Last night when I crashed into him; for those few seconds, I didn't have time to absorb his appearance completely, but God... He was built like a warrior.

Massive shoulders, defined muscles and tanned from working in the sun. So beautiful, he had a short, dark beard framing his defined full lips. Deep set, dark brown eyes surrounded by long dark lashes, and low set full brows. This man could cure all my trauma just by me looking at him, I swear… I hated that I felt so broken and sad that I couldn’t even fully admire the view.