Page 27 of Sorry

CHAPTER 30

ALEX

Something was off with Sam since he came out of the bathroom. When we came back home it was around 9pm. Taking our shoes off at the top of the stairs, Sam was very subdued, very different from Sam from an hour ago.

He made me choke on a cookie throwing innuendos to me catching him in the act, he was joking and laughing. It’s like he loosened up and got comfortable with us, and then something happened before or while in the bathroom, after which he looked like he was about to vomit.

I didn’t want to pry but I was worried I had done something wrong. But I also wanted to make sure he was ok, it’s in my nature. Let’s go with that and not with the fact that I liked him, and am imprinting on him like a giant duckling. Yeah… It’s just in my nature.

“Sam. Are you ok? Have I done something to upset you? I thought the evening went well until you went to the bathroom. Are you sick?” I should have asked that first, and not assumed he’d cared enough to be affected by what I said or done.

He set his shoes on the little shoe rack at the top of the stairs, and turned so fast towards me, eyes wide. “No, no, no, Alex, I promise you did nothing wrong. I am just tired as I said, today was a lot. I’ll be fine. I just need a shower and I'll try to sleep. Tomorrow will be better. You have been a breath of fresh air Alex. Since the funeral you and everyone in this town have been so amazing. If you and The Crew weren't there for me, I don’t think I could have gotten through it.”

He reached up and cupped my cheek, nudging me to bend down closer. Is he going to kiss me?? Oh holy shit. My heart was beating out of my chest. I bent down not knowing what to do. I just stood there. He turned and kissed my cheek. He held the kiss for two Mississippi's and I got fucking butterflies in my stomach.

Pulling away still holding my cheek in his hand, he looked up at me. “I am grateful for you Alex. You’ve grown on me so fast it's giving me whiplash. Don’t ever think my odd behavior is about you. That's all on me. Ok?”

A kiss on the cheek has made me stupid. I exhaled, “Ok Sam.” I whispered.

Smiling at me, he declared, “Ok. I need to shower and I am going to try and sleep off this funk I am in. We have a few more days until you guys start on the renovations downstairs, so think of the things we could do tomorrow unless you have something else planned.”

I nodded and went to my room after he went to have a shower. Like a big fool with a crush, I held the cheek he kissed and kept replaying it in my mind. I wished he’d do it again.

Something like a shout woke me up. For a second I thought I had dreamt it. But then I heard him. It was Sam. We shared a wall and his bed was positioned along the same wall as mine.

He shouted again and it sounded like, “NO! PLEASE!

I was up in seconds. Running out of my bedroom and straight into Sam’s. He was thrashing in bed.

It looked like he was having a night-terror. It was not a regular nightmare. I knew that because I have seen some kids have them in foster care.

“NO PLEASE! IT HURTS.” Shouting, sweat covering his face and his hair was soaked. “IT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN!” He cried out tears pouring out.

I shouldn’t wake him fast, I learned that from watching some of the foster parents, dealing with the kids that had regular night-terrors. I approached slowly and sat at his side. He was still breathing so fast, the anguish on his face was unbearable to watch.

Setting my hand on his arm gently, I started whispering, “Hey Sam. You’re ok. You’re having a night-terror.” Rubbing his bare arm, cold and damp from sweat. He wasn’t reacting. I did what my instincts were telling me. Comfort. Protect. Soothe.

I lay beside him squeezing my large body on the edge of his bed and pulled him into me slowly not to scare him.

“You are ok Pup. I am here. Come on, can you wake up for me, please?” I held his small shaking body, with both of my arms. We were skin-to-skin before I realized we were both in our boxers. I brushed his damp hair with my fingers and whispered over and over.

“It’s ok. It’s ok Pup, I am here. It’s me Alex.” He wasn’t thrashing anymore, his breathing regulating and he was slowly waking up.

“Wh…what… Alex?” he murmured. Stuttering his words still obviously affected by his dream.

“Yeah, it’s me Sam, you had a pretty bad nightmare. I apologize if I overstepped. You were shouting and crying. I couldn’t ignore it. You wouldn’t wake up and I… I just didn’t know what else to do.” He took a few deep breaths, probably trying to get a sense of reality and why there was a large man in his bed, hugging him and petting his hair.

“Sorry for waking you up.” His hand came around my waist, then he scooted closer to me. I embraced him tighter. “I um… I have these sometimes. I am usually able to wake up from them pretty fast. Thank you again. I will be ok, you can go back to bed. Sorry again.”

With the way he was clinging on to me, I didn’t think he actually wanted me to leave. There was no chance I was leaving him unless he told me to. But I asked him anyway, “I am good here beside you for now, if that's OK with you?”

Snuggling into my chest, he mumbled, “Uh. Yeah, It’s fine with me.”

“Sleep now, Pup. I won’t leave until I make sure you are fast asleep.” I gently kissed his forehead.

His skin was warming up and he wasn't shivering anymore. I pulled the thin blanket out from under me and covered us both. It was intimate. This is the closest I had been to another man and I didn't hate it at all. But I was not getting excited, even my sex deprived body and mind knew, this wasn't the appropriate time for it.

I focused on his breathing. He was tense at the start but he slowly relaxed. His deep rhythmic breathing, with his face in my neck, his steady heartbeat and scent of his shampoo, mixed with his own unique smell made me relax a bit too much too. I fell asleep holding him in my arms.