Page 4 of Sorry

My friends kept their gaze on me for a few seconds longer, sensing I was not telling the full truth but they never pressed further. Which I appreciated, I didn't want anyone to know how messed up I was. That I was so fucked up that I was staying and accepting the abuse. That after so many years I felt… NO! I believed it, that somehow I deserved it.

Conversation on the Live continued, and I resumed making muffins for the day and occasionally piping in, talking about the current book I was reading. It helped me focus on my work, and made me feel less lonely, until it was time to go back home in hope Kyle was not there, where I actually welcomed the loneliness.

CHAPTER 4

ALEX

“Fuck!” I grunted to myself, pacing in the living room. I worked so much during the week, you would think I wouldn't have the time or energy to feel bored or lonely. I filled my days with activities, by working long hours, even staying longer whenever I could. I went to the gym after work almost every day just to kill time. I was built like a mountain at this stage and that wasn't even my goal.

I just really went in and mindlessly exercised, hoping I'll lose track of the time and spend at least two hours there, so I didn't have to be home with Tess in case she was in one of her moods, where she would tell me again how I was not good enough. To make sure she dehumanized me as much as she could, I guessed it was to make herself feel better for fucking her boss. A bunch of notifications pinged on my phone, and I took it out of my pocket to read it, even though I knew who it was, by how persistent they were.

Yup… It was Jake, spamming the group chat.

THE CREW CHAT

JAKE: ALEX!

JAKE: Our broody friend…

JAKE: Get your ass to our new apartment.

JAKE: We are pregaming before going to “Marcy’s Bar”.

JAKE: Well… actually.

JAKE: I am pregaming.

JAKE: Matt is his usual nerdy angelic self and won't drink with me.

JAKE: ALEEEEEX!

MATT: Jake why are you like this?… Please stop being annoying. You know he doesn't like coming out to the bar. And I don't want to drink because I know you will be too drunk to walk back home, and somebody needs to make sure you don't do something reckless. Like accepting a ride with a stranger or trying to walk home and get hit by a car, or adopt a raccoon.

JAKE: I tried to bring Richard the racoon with me ONCE!

JAKE: He was scared and alone and probably hungry.

MATT: He was fatter than a tick, he could have had rabies and stop giving names to everything you see cause you always get attached.

JAKE: WHAT THE FUCK EVER !

JAKE: ALEX???

JAKE: What do you say? You comin' ?

I love them both, my life would be absolute shit without them. I chuckled at the idiot and typed back.

ME: Jake you know Matt is right, I don't like bars, and also slow down, we really don't need another naked Jake incident.

JAKE: That was also a one time thing…

JAKE: OK, it happened two times!

MATT: I don't think that will happen again. Not after he fell into old Garry's rose bush; butt-ass naked, on his way home from whoever he was banging that night…

ME: Lol. Thank you for inviting me guys, but it's not my scene. Have fun and be safe Jake.

JAKE: Well shiiiit, we will get you out some day. And why are you worried? I have my personal mother Teresa Matt watching over me.