Page 55 of Sorry

Maybe that was the universe telling me I was not destined for happiness, I was that undeserving of love that it had to take my Sam away. Sam was the one that never deserved even a smidge of the bad things that happened to him. I couldn't lose him. I don’t know how long they worked on him because the time felt like it was going in both fast-forward, and slow motion.

But when I heard the monitor beeping with his heart restarting I screamed, “Sam is back!”

They rolled him onto the stretcher and into an ambulance truck, I ran behind him nearly climbing on top of him. “Sir. Only family members can come in an ambulance.” one of the paramedics said.

“I AM HIS FAMILY! He has nobody else. He is my boyfriend and I am coming with him!” I shouted, startling the guy.

“Okay, okay. You can come with him. But you need to sit and let us work on him to keep him stable. What are his and your names?” He tried to calm me by asking me questions.

“His name is Sam and I'm Alex.” I said on autopilot, barely breathing.

“Okay Alex, let’s get Sam to the hospital so he can get the help he needs.” He said, while working on securing Sam in safety belts.

I heard Matt say that they were going to follow us in his van, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of Sam. He looked so small, broken and beat up, almost unrecognizable, under the oxygen mask that one of the paramedics was holding as it pumped the air into his lungs.

When we arrived at the hospital they rushed him into surgery and told me to sit in the waiting room. Not long after, Matt and Jake arrived and sat somber beside me. Nobody spoke for the longest time.

It felt like hours had passed before the nurse came and asked, “Alex?” I jumped to my feet, expecting the worst. “He is stable. He had to have surgery to repair a punctured lung, from a broken rib. He has a broken arm, two broken fingers and his jaw was dislocated. He probably has a concussion as well. He is still not awake and will probably stay asleep for the remainder of the night. You should probably go and have something to eat, shower and rest. If anything changes, we will give you a call.” She informed me.

“I am not going anywhere. When can I see him?” My voice broke.

“He is being moved to the ICU now, for monitoring. The puncture wasn't as severe as we thought. You might be able to see him in the morning, once he is transferred to the In-patient Unit, but only if all goes well overnight. That is why I suggested you have some food and rest.” She tried again, but I wouldn’t budge.

“Come on Alex, let’s get you fed and get a bit of sleep.” Matt said, rubbing my back. Concern etched all over his face.

“No, I'm staying here guys. You two can go, I will call if anything changes.” I told them.

“We aren’t leaving you. I will go and bring you some food and coffee, you should at least try to nap.” Jake said.

I whisper, “Thank you Jake.”

“Don’t mention it, you guys are family.” Jake said, walking away.

Matt led me to the set of sofas in the family waiting room, and sat beside me.

Reaching into his pocket he took out… Sam’s phone?

“Alex, when you were tending to Sam I noticed his phone leaning on the plant pot and it was on. He was still on the Live with his friends on LiveTok, they saw it all. They saw the attack and heard it all. Some gave me their phone numbers to call them with updates on how Sam is.” He said, holding the phone in his hands.

“They know who it was? Who did this to Sam?” I was vibrating with rage, “Who is it Matt? I will fucking kill him!”

“There will be no need for that sir. The man responsible for the attack was involved in a head on collision with another car. He is in the hospital now and will be lucky if he survives the burns on his body, after his car caught on fire.” One of two police officers said, as they walked into the waiting room.

“The investigation is still in progress but we need some more details from you guys, about the events that took place today.” the other one added.

“I have phone numbers of people who witnessed the attack from Sam’s phone. They said to give them a call, if they can help in any way possible." Matt piped up.

Two hours later, the police officers left after we told them everything we knew.

Sam’s friends had a live recording of the attack that would be given in as evidence. Apparently he wanted to set me up for the attack. But he didn’t even notice where the phone was so he dug his own grave. He wouldn’t be getting away with it one way or another. They said Kyle would possibly lose both his legs and have severe burns all over his body. Once he no longer needs medical treatment he will be transferred to a standard prison where he will be awaiting sentencing for attempted murder. Kyle Smith… the bastard better hope he dies in that hospital bed. It took everything in me not to go and find him and kill him myself for what he did to my Sam.

Once they were gone, I just sat in shock from everything that happened. I felt guilty for not being there to protect him, I promised him and I failed him. I didn’t deserve him either.

“Hey. I see those gears turning in that head of yours. Don’t blame yourself. I know you too well by now. This was not your fault or Sam’s. According to his friends, the things Kyle said, he was watching and listening to those Lives and that's how he found him. He waited for you to leave before he attacked. He would have found a way to get him when he is alone. So none of that guilt tripping that you are doing to yourself right now. Okay?” Matt said, softly but sternly.

I nodded looking down at the ground. Logically I knew that but I couldn’t help but feel responsible. How did that amazing morning of wrestling in neon paint and laughing and kissing him, turn into him dying and barely being brought back to life.

The morning came slowly, and I hadn't closed my eyes in fear I'd fall asleep and miss him if he needed me. When the nurse walked in with a small smile. I jumped up so fast, I got dizzy.