Page 191 of The Heart You Kept

“Lust is loud, love is quiet. It grows in between spoken words and offers a sense of belonging between two people.”

“That’s if you’re looking for love.”

“That’s true.”

“You know….” I hesitate. “If you’re looking for a grand love, I’m not the man for you. That’s not what I’m looking for.”

“I get that.” She nods. “But do you ever ask yourself why you wouldn’t want a grand love in your life?”

“No.”

“Well, then.” She shrugs casually. “Maybe this will be our last night together.”

Don’t say that.

“Why?” I put my cutlery down.

“Because I’m not going to dim my light to feed your shadows.”

My eyes hold hers.

“In my eyes…if you give up on true love then you are making a conscious decision to live a life with an average love. But no matter how you look at it, they both hurt.”

Her words hang in the air between us.

“Is that what you’re looking for?” I ask. “True love.”

“I’m looking for a best friend. Someone who knows what’s in my heart even when I don’t speak. A teacher, a protector, a beautiful father for my children.” She shrugs and sips her wine. “At my age this isn’t about orgasms, this is about finding my soulmate.”

I snap my eyes away from hers, typical fucking bullshit.

“I mean….” She stops herself mid-sentence.

“What?” I snap, annoyed.

“What can you offer me, Edward?”

“What does that mean?” I huff, she’s getting annoying now.

“Let’s be real, apart from orgasms and money…what can you offer me?”

“Apart from orgasms and money?” I frown. “Is that all I am to you?”

“Not at all, but I believe that’s all you think you are.”

I throw my napkin down onto the table. “I didn’t come here to get lectured on my shortcomings.”

“What did you come here for?”

“I came here to see you.”

“And yet you shy away from a hard conversation.”

“I’m not shying away from anything. I just don’t need this bullshit.”

“Okay.” She shrugs and picks up her cutlery and begins to casually eat again.

“What does okay mean?” I snap.