Page 23 of Valentino

More crying, more sobs…. More fucking rain.

With a few more emotionless sentiments from the priest, the service finally ends.

Just go and talk to him.

I steel myself and with a shaky breath I walk over to Valentino. “Hi Val,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”

His cold eyes come to meet mine and he nods once. “Thank you for coming.”

My eyes search his, and a lump in my throat begins to hurt.

He’s so broken.

I wish I could help him through this but I have no idea how to reach him anymore.

He’s not the same Valentino that I used to know, he’s colder now.

Harder.

We used to be close once, we used to be friends. But things changed when I started dating Carlo, it was like he couldn’t be near me, and every time that I walked into a room he would walk out of it.

Since the day of the shooting he hasn’t spoken to me.

Not one word.

Perhaps he blames me for everything. It was my boyfriend who did this, my boyfriend who betrayed us all.

I haven’t heard from Carlo since that day, when he left them…he left me. And good riddance, I hate him, I hate him so much for what he’s done.

“I’m so sorry, Val,” I whisper as I take his hand in mine, he pulls away from me as if my touch disgusts him.

Oh….

My eyes well with tears, and without another word he turns and walks away.

I watch him walk across the graveyard, alone and in the rain.

“I’ll go,” Giuliano whispers, umbrella in hand he follows his friend…. To where I don’t know, to say what I can’t imagine. Because there are no words to make this better…none.

Dear Lord, please protect him.

Eight weeks later.

Hours have turned into days, days have turned into weeks, and weeks have turned into months and I, I have turned into someone I no longer recognize.

Bitter and broken.

Over the last two months I’ve searched my soul for answers, and the only thing I’ve come up with is the certainty that my decisions can’t be trusted. My gut instincts are nonexistent. My belief in truth, perhaps forever gone.

How didn’t I see it, what signs did I miss?

My boyfriend switched sides and betrayed the most feared family in Italy, his family….

A sleeper cell, working for the enemy while he pledged allegiance alongside his brothers at Ferrara. And now they know…. And I know…. And a lot of people are dead because of what he’s done.

While they tear up the world looking for him, chasing retribution, my heart aches alone.

He left without a trace, an apology. Not even a goodbye.