Page 17 of Want to Know a Secret?

She barely knows who I am anymore. But every night, the staff of her nursing home plays one of my videos for her. That’s why I always end my episodes by saying, “Good night, Mom.” I want to make sure my mother still remembers who I am.

Sometimes I feel really alone.

But it doesn’t matter. I’ll get through this on my own. I just want to go home.

When I get downstairs, my phone buzzes in my purse. My heart leaps in my chest—maybe Elliot’s meeting got canceled and he wants to have lunch after all. Take that, gorgeous young secretary.

But when I pull out my phone, I see another blocked number has left me a text message:

Too bad you don’t know the secret to making your husband happy. Unlike Courtney Burns.

I stare at my phone, my mouth hanging open in disbelief. I look around the parking lot, trying to figure out if somebody is watching me. Did somebody see my husband reject me during my attempt to have lunch with him?

But the parking lot is empty except for me. There’s nobody around. And as opposed to the message yesterday, it’s obvious what the intent of this one was. I look up at the window to my husband’s office, wondering if Brianna could have been the one to send the text. Is it possible she’s the one torturing me?

But how would Brianna know about Courtney? That’s the distant past. It’s over. Nobody knows. Just me and Elliot. Well, and one other person.

Words can’t hurt you, I try to tell myself. I wish I could believe it.

Chapter 8

Dear parents,

For those of you who will be supporting your child’s school by attending the PTA meeting tonight, please arrive promptly at 6 PM. Stragglers are very disruptive to the meeting. For this reason, the doors to the library will be locked at 6:01.

Julie

Elliot lets out a low whistle when I come into the kitchen dressed in a long-sleeved chiffon dress that I paid far too much for last month. “Wow, April,” he says. “Are you sure you’re just going to a PTA meeting?”

I roll my eyes, but he does have a point. I dress better for PTA meetings than I do for pretty much anything else in my life, even my videos. After all, the image I’m trying to portray on Sweet Secrets is that of a wholesome housewife. But the dress code for these PTA meetings just keeps getting stricter and stricter. We’re all trying to live up to Julie’s standard.

Bobby looks up from his bowl of macaroni and cheese that Elliot made for him. Elliot can only make Kraft macaroni and cheese and frozen chicken nuggets. That’s it. But to be fair, those are Bobby’s two favorite foods.

“You look pretty, Mom,” Bobby comments.

I ruffle my hand through his red-tinged brown hair. “You don’t have to sound so surprised.”

Bobby studies me for a moment. “Mom, are you having a baby?”

Aaaaaand my confidence flies out the window. “What?”

“Dylan’s mom is having a baby,” Bobby explains. “And Lena’s mom is having a baby. And I don’t have any brothers or sisters.”

I smooth out my dress over my belly, hoping it doesn’t even remotely look like I have a baby bump there. I glance over at Elliot, whose hopeful expression mirrors Bobby’s. The truth is, Elliot and I want another child. He would have liked three or even four, but the fact that I haven’t managed to get pregnant with even a second is a source of tension.

There’s part of me that wonders if he thinks of me as a failure for not managing to conceive again. He’s been gently pushing me to see a fertility specialist, and a few months ago, he mentioned he went to a urologist and got his sperm checked. His sperm were perfect, of course. He had superstar, Olympic sperm. So the implication is that if we’re not pregnant with his Olympic sperm, it must be because of me.

Ironically, we had no trouble at all getting pregnant with Bobby. Actually, we jumped the gun a little bit on that one. But nobody noticed my baby bump in my wedding dress.

“No,” I reply patiently. “We’re not having a baby.”

“Yet,” Elliot adds.

I shoot him a look. The last thing I want is for Bobby to go around telling his friends that his parents are trying to have a baby. How long will it take for that to get back to the other parents?

But Elliot just shrugs. He thinks I’m going to get pregnant any month now. He doesn’t get it.

“Well, I’m going to head over to Maria’s house,” I say. “Are you two going to be all right? You know Julie makes us shut our phones off?”