Page 64 of The Irresistible Distraction

He’d been away for less than three months when he came back one weekend, and even before he said anything, I just . . . knew.

He spent the first day denying anything was actually wrong, and then, halfway through the second day, he finally admitted he’d met someone. He hadn’t done anything. He’d never actually cheat on me.

But he’d been tempted.

He confessed because he felt he owed me honesty, in addition to fidelity.

In all our years together, he had never been tempted, and now, after ten weeks away, despite the FaceTiming and the odd weekend together, he had been tempted.

I was so exhausted from Sebastian, who wasn’t yet sleeping through the nights, and from the one community college class I was taking online, that I can’t even remember what I said.

Can’t remember how he transitioned from temptation to divorce, but he interpreted my silence as acquiescence.

No one suggested counseling. Adeline and Arthur, who had been so insistent that marriage was the only way, gave in readily, eagerly, to the idea of a divorce. Sebastian’s birth had been legitimized through the wedding, meaning the marriage had already served its purpose.

And from there, since Jesse was already at college, it made sense for me to be granted full physical custody, never mind the plans we’d once made. We’d been classmates our whole lives, had gotten into Berkeley . . . together. But that one year of difference meant everyone now assumed I would stay with Sebastian. And of course, over the years, the gap between us only grew, our trajectories irrevocably altered.

Even on the day of the divorce, Jesse looked into my eyes and reminded me that he loved me, that he didn’t think our story was over.

And so that became my ongoing, background fantasy, that Jesse would come back one day and realize we were . . . whatever is the most realistic interpretation of modern-day soulmates. He’d see me and realize everything he’d left behind. He’d apologize, and after a sufficient amount of groveling, we’d be a family again.

Because Jesse had never had anyone serious before Mackenzie, the not-fiancée. Because I’d never had anyone beyond Tyler 2.0, I’d allowed myself to wait, even though I’d never called it that.

I sigh as I let myself into the house so that I can have a potentially long-overdue, now-too-late talk with my ex.

“Hey,” he says, trying to be casual. He’s standing in the middle of the kitchen, leaning against the counter. Jesse’s always been a good-looking guy, but in recent years he’s grown into his looks. Where he used to be tall and lanky, he now has muscles that are the result of years of healthy habits: good eating, a personal trainer, and regular gym time. It’s nothing like the stupidly washboard abs Brody’s blessed with, but Jesse is the type of realistically handsome man I’d hoped to end up with. His beard helps age what would otherwise be an attractive, but perhaps not particularly dignified, baby face. And his hazel eyes remain open and kind.

He opens his arms, and I walk forward to meet him because this is Jesse. The man who took my virginity, my first real crush, and also the father of my son. He smells of antiseptic and sweat, but also, I can detect the Dior Sauvage Adeline introduced him to years ago and which he’s continued to use.

“Sebastian?”

“I tucked him in a couple minutes ago.” At my raised eyebrows, my ex continues. “I don’t think he’s asleep, but he knows we need to talk, and I’ve promised to take him to school tomorrow morning before I head back down.”

“You’re driving back down tomorrow?”

Jesse almost never comes for just a weekend. His schedule can be sporadic, and often, it’s not worth what adds up to at least four hours of back-and-forth car time.

Jesse nods. “You haven’t answered my texts, and Sebastian rescheduled our call this past Wednesday.”

“I forgot about the call.” Normally, with Vera, Sebastian would have left while we were eating, but because Brody’s gone out of his way to make dinners Sebastian-centric, I can see how Sebastian would have missed his time, how I too would have been too distracted to remember. “You can always call me, if you’re looking for him.”

Because Jesse doesn’t meet my gaze, I wonder if he forgot as well. Because I can’t imagine a scenario in which Jesse FaceTimes our son and then doesn’t tell me, immediately, that Seba’s not there.

“So I guess this means you’re dating someone.”

I let the statement sit between us, because Jesse hasn’t actually asked a question. Just as I never confirmed the exact status of his relationship with Mackenzie.

“How long have you known him?”

“A couple of weeks.” I watch the relief flash across his face and realize I need to clarify. “He’s Vera’s nephew, the one I told you would be helping out while Vera’s away.” Vera was Jesse’s art teacher too, because Lake Arrowhead’s that kind of a town-not-town, which means Jesse likely understands the potential implications here, that Brody isn’t just some tourist passing through. And in case there’s any potential for misunderstanding, I add, “It’s been an intense couple of weeks.”

“Ah.” And I can guess the way things are realigning in Jesse’s mind, trying to parse out what I mean by “intense.”

I fold my arms a little more tightly around myself, backing up until my legs hit the couch. When it seems as though that’s all he’s ready to say, I give in to temptation. “I thought you were getting engaged to Mackenzie.”

I watch as his jaw works. He comes around to sit on the couch and pats the seat next to him. I ignore him and, as I did when Brody was here, choose a location at a ninety-degree angle. I fold my hands together and wait.

“I bought a ring for Mackenzie eight months ago.”