Page 86 of His to Own

She sighs and leans back on the couch. “Father doesn’t like me coming over either. He’s like a black hole sometimes. Sucking up everything around him and turning it all black.”

“I have a question. Did you think I was a good enough dancer to keep up with it when we were younger? Father never thought so.”

“I saw the potential in you. But you quit before you could get as far as me.”

I duck my chin to my chest.

“I see you’re still doing that,” Lana comments, nodding at me.

“Doing what?”

“That.” She ducks her chin to her chest. “This. You always did it around Father. You don’t need to do it around me. I’m your sister.”

“I’ve missed you.”

“Now that you’re no longer under Father’s control, you can come over more. And I can come to see you. Nikolai won’t stop me. I just hate seeing Maxim. After what he did to me…” She shudders. “It’s hard for me to look at him and see you married to him. I think it’s why I haven’t come over much. I’m sorry.”

“He played a role in kidnapping you once. It’s understandable.” Another reason to fear Maxim. The list just keeps growing. And yet, I still want him to kiss me again. None of it makes any sense.

“But I shouldn’t have left you alone with him because of my issues. I’m your older sister.”

“I’m an adult now, Lana. It’s not your responsibility to take care of me.”

Her eyes soften. “You just seem so… sad. Always so sad.”

“I don’t want to be.”

“How is Maxim treating you?”

“He doesn’t beat me if that’s what you’re asking.” I hesitate. “Lana… do you know what your husband does in this house?”

She tenses and looks away from me. “What do you mean?”

“Did Nikolai tell you?”

She sighs and runs her hand over her face. “He did. He told me that you came inside the house and saw… saw him and Maxim… hurting someone.”

“So you know what he does?”

“I know what my husband does,” she answers, looking me in the eye. “He tried keeping that from me but he couldn’t. Not after everything I’ve seen and done. He only ever does it when I’m not in the house. I know there are things he has to do for the sake of his job. We’ve agreed to not really talk about it. He does what he needs to do and I look the other way. I never wanted you seeing that.”

“But you have seen it yourself?”

She shudders. “Once. It was when Nikolai still worked with Lev. It was Lev who… did the cutting.”

“It was Maxim who did it,” I whisper.

“Nikolai doesn’t like to get his hands dirty. I think he finds men who like doing the dirty work to be partners with. I’m sorry you had to see that, Elena.”

“We’re both married to mafia men. Yet, you seem happy with Nikolai. You seem like you’re in love. How?”

A soft smile crosses her face. Will I ever look like that when I think of Maxim? “I am in love with him. He treats me well. Better than well. He’s helped heal me. After the competition Father put us all through. After how hard I pushed myself as a ballerina. Nikolai helped me with it all. He allowed me to find freedom through our marriage. It’s why I love him. Despite the terrible things I know he’s done.” Her hand skims over her wrist. “I never told you but I tried to kill myself once.”

I gasp. “You… what?”

“I cut my wrist. Right here.” She shows me the tiny scar. “I was in despair. I felt… so much. I couldn’t take it. But I didn’t really want to kill myself. I just needed a release. Fortunately, Nikolai found me in time and saved me. I’ve never tried again. I’ve never wanted to do it again. I never want you to go through something like that. Please promise me you’ll never hurt yourself.”

“I promise,” I whisper. But it feels like a lie because I don’t know what I might do. I don’t know how to deal with all of this emotion inside of me.