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I can see that she has taken my answer as a rejection, which is not what I intended, but I am having difficulty finding a way to explain myself without making the situation worse.

“I’m also much older than you,” I add.

“That doesn’t matter to me.” She says it immediately, then looks as though she wishes she had not.

I stare at her.

She looks away. “Sorry. That sounded…” She shakes her head. “Never mind.”

“Elara.”

“No, it’s fine. I understand what you’re saying.”

“You don’t.”

She gives a small, unhappy laugh. “I think I do. Maybe coming here was a bad idea.”

She starts to walk past me.

I catch her arm gently, and she stops. “Did you regret kissing me?” I ask.

She looks up. “No.”

“Then why are you apologizing?”

“Because you’ve been avoiding me for five days, Nikolai. What was I supposed to think?”

I release her arm, but I remain close. “You were supposed to think I was trying to give you time to recover.”

She looks at me skeptically. “And that’s all?”

I could lie. It would probably be easier for both of us.

Instead, I say, “No.”

Her breathing changes. I can see her trying to decide what to do with that answer.

“I have wanted to kiss you again,” I tell her. “That’s part of why I have stayed away.”

She looks down, then back at me. “Oh.”

“Yes.”

For a moment, neither of us speaks.

Then she says, very quietly, “I wanted you to.”

I look at her for a long second. “Are you sure?”

She nods. “Elara, I need you to say it.”

“Yes,” she says. “I’m sure.”

I step closer, giving her time to move away if she wants to. She doesn’t.

When I kiss her, she puts both hands against my chest and kisses me back immediately. I have thought about doing this for days, but the reality of having her close again is more distracting than I expected. She is warm, and her mouth is soft, and when I slide my hand into her hair, she makes a small sound that I feel through my entire body.

Her hands close in my shirt, and mine go to her waist. She steps into me like she has already made the decision and is tired of pretending otherwise. I feel her breath against my mouth, quick and uneven, and when her body presses to mine, every sensible thought I have been using to keep distance between us disappears.