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Before I have the chance to answer, I hear a soft knock on the door. “All set?” Doc questions. Savannah pulls the gown over her stomach and gives the doctor a quick nod. “You may want to sit, Sin.”

“Yeah, sorry.”

“Savannah, place your feet up and scoot down, please.”

Savannah scoots down, placing her feet on the cold metal and drops her legs open. In front of another man. I try to swallow past the lump in my throat and control the urge I have to take a swing at the man who helped save my life. “Matty.” Savannah’s voice echoes in my ear. There’s fear fixed in her features. Her brows are creased, her eyes dart around my face, looking for comfort, reassurance that she’s going to be okay.

“Shh.” I bring her hand to my lips. I kiss the back of her hand, one, two, three times. “Everything’s going to be fine, sugar.” I hold her stare, urging her to believe me. Some of the fear dissipates from her face.

“Alright, Savannah. You’re going to feel pressure.” I don’t bother to watch the doctor do his job, as much as I don’t like to think of what his hands are doing. I know this is about Savannah and not the primal need I’m starting to feel in the pit of my stomach. She whimpers in discomfort and I do the first thing that comes to my mind and place my lips against her forehead while I smooth my hand over her lush hair. She leans into my kiss.

The snapping of rubber gloves has me addressing Doc for any sign he’s able to give me. A simple nod in my direction releases all the anxiety I’ve had since the moment I stepped foot into the room. “Everything feels normal for being about seventeen weeks along.” He closes the stirrups down. “I’m going to bring the ultrasound machine in along with a tech so we can check things out. Keep the drape over your lap but I’ll need you to bring the gown up over your stomach, just below your breasts. I’ll be right back.”

“Are you okay?” She asks.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“I appreciate you being here.” she instinctively covers her stomach with her hands.

I pull her hands from her stomach, cupping her hand in mine. “No place I’d rather be.” I flash her a smile.

“Hi. I’m Suzanne, and I’ll be performing the ultrasound.” A little thing pushes her way into the room, pulling a machine next to her. “Doc says you aren’t gaining the amount of weight he would like to see at this point in your pregnancy.” She brings the machine further into the room and sets it up on the opposite side of Savannah. “He wants to make sure the baby is on track. Is that correct, mom?”

“Yes.” I answer. “She hasn’t been able to keep a lot of food down.”

“Well, Dad–.” I flinch at the terminology.

“No–” Savannah interjects but I give her hand a small squeeze.

“Shh, sugar.” I bring her hand to my lips.

Doc comes in shortly after the tech has everything set up. “We’re going to lower the lights so we can see things little better.” Suzanne explains. “You’ll see the monitor on the wall come on once I turn the ultrasound machine on. You can view the baby there while I do my thing here.” She turns the machine on and the screen on the monitor pulls up a black and white screen with Savannah’s information on it. "I’m going to squirt the gel on your stomach, don’t worry, it’s warmed.” She grabs the gel from the warmer and adds a glob to Savannah’s stomach. “Don’t worry, Dad.” Doc chuckles to himself when she refers to me as dad. “It doesn’t hurt, none of this hurts. Mom and baby will be fine.”

Suzanne rolls the wand through the gel over her stomach. I peer at Savannah and see her eyes locked on the screen hanging on the wall. I swivel my head and stare at the sight before me. A soft gray-silhouetted outline of the smallest head, nose and lips I’ve ever seen are laid out before me. “Holy shit.” I whisper to myself. “That’s the baby?” I ask.

“Yes.” Suzanne whispers

I take note of Savannah’s reaction to seeing her baby. Her lip is pulled between her teeth, her brow creased as she frowns. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, opening them again to land back on the screen where her child is on display.

“Sugar?” My voice is clogged with emotion. “What’s wrong?” She shakes her head, unable to voice what’s going on in that head of hers. She blinks, clearing the tears that are beginning to form. I reach over and brush the wetness from her cheeks.

“I’m okay.” She’s breathless. “Just seeing the baby makes it all the more real, you know? There’s a baby in there.”

I chuckle, “Yeah, sugar, there is. The cutest baby I’ve ever seen.”

“Sweet talker.” She smiles, brushing away her own tears this time.

When she seems more relaxed, I lean closer to the screen, frustrated with the fact that it’s so high on the wall. I want to reach out and touch the figure of the little life that’s growing inside the woman who’s becoming a part of me. I stare at the roundness of the head and how the nose is slightly turned up. He is going to have Savannah’s nose. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, but I think the baby is going to be a mini version of the woman who’s engrained herself into my heart. The heart that I thought had died right along with my sister.

My mind wonders to the future of a baby crying, smiling, cooing, and sleeping on my chest. The feel of feather like hair beneath my hands. Me soothing and taking care of the little life. Putting his needs before my own and loving every minute of it. I see a baby with cinnamon brown hair, blue eyes and freckles that mirror its mother’s crawling around, giggling, laughing. Throwing a baseball, teaching him how to work on bikes, teaching him to respect the women in his life. Protecting, loving, caring for a life that’s not my own. The internal struggle between things I want and the ramifications of those wants is like a storm brewing in my subconscious, but seeing the life on the screen wins out. There’s no reason to fight against what I want any longer. The little life that’s growing in Savannah’s belly is stronger than I will ever be. It’s already got me wrapped around his tiny, delicate finger.

The image on the screen moves as the tech slides the wand again, showing different areas of the baby. There are times when it just looks like a white blob on the screen but then certain aspects come into view and I continue to stare. The little hand, five perfect looking fingers spread out. The little leg that’s curled up close to its belly. Then the baby makes a sudden jerking movement and my heart drops. My body goes rigid. “What wrong?”

“It seems the little one has the hiccups. It’s still too soon for mom to feel it, but just you wait. Soon enough you’ll be able to feel everything little thing it does.”

My body sags in relief.

She moves the wand again showing the baby’s chest. I watch, as what I assume is the heart rapidly beat. Suzanne pushes on some button and moves switches on her keyboard and then room is engulfed with a steady beat of swooshing and thumping. “The baby’s heartbeat is strong,” she states. It’s so fast, the rhythm’s steady.