Page 72
I stare down at the withered plant, wondering what my insides must look like with this dark destroyer taking residence there.
This is what I am. What I do. There is nothing but death inside me, and I’m so damn empty with it.
Laughter pulls my attention back up and I find myself once again entranced by the girl who’s beginning to make less and less sense to me. She stirs the inner workings of my soul, and though I don’t quite understand it, this is exactly where I want to be today. Sitting in the shade while the sad girl temporarily finds her smile again. It won’t stay, and neither will this oddly calm mood I’m in. Maybe, just for a while, I can find peace in knowing I found her. And maybe we can put aside our mutual dislike and share in the horrible reality that somehow, we aren’t alone.
Until I remember the lifeless flower in my hand and realize that’s all I’ll ever be. There is no space for calm in me. Nothing good lies beneath my outer shell.
I was born to burn. Maybe I’ll take her with me, if only to melt away the darkness gripping to her light.
I bet she’d glow bright enough to ignite the world.
The sun is still high in the sky, but I’m somehow exhausted. The day only started a handful of hours ago, and yet my mind feels overworked and ready to shut itself down. My fight with Siena still hangs in the background of my thoughts. The emptiness I’d felt. The way she left. I haven’t been happy for a long time. Not for as long as I can remember. I wanted her to fill that void, and she did at times. It was only ever a temporary fix. Even she knew it. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel like a complete dick for the way I handled the situation this morning. She wanted answers and I wanted her to drop it. The result was tiring and ended with her hurting more than if I’d just opened up. I guess my silence was all she needed. That’s how quickly things can fall apart when they were only hanging on by a thread to start with.
And then there’s Sumner, the whole cause for the fight in the first place. I didn’t know what bringing her here—into my world—would mean. How much it would mess with my head. The dislike is still fully there, but there’s also curiosity. She’s different than I’d imagined.
All it takes is the memory of my father and that curiosity drains back into the resentment I’ve harbored for all these years.
The sad girl who was hiding in the closet is nothing more than a thief. Guilt is the last thing I should feel for her. Whatever was taking hold of her sanity this morning, I should have left her with it. I should have stood back and watched it swallow her whole because that’s why she’s here.
A sharp clatter breaks me from my tangled web of thoughts. My eyes follow the sound, seeing the rock that landed just inches from my feet. It skids to a stop, kicking up a small cloud of dust, and I stop walking, looking ahead and finding the man who threw it. He’s young, probably close to my age, with short blond hair and a scowl reaching across the entirety of his face.
“Hey, asshole! Your family ruin any innocent lives this week?”
The man doesn’t need to elaborate. I know exactly what he’s referring to. And though I personally have done nothing to warrant his anger, I understand it. It’s directed at me, and it should be. I may not want to be who I am or what I am, but it doesn’t change anything. I’m a walking nightmare. The only people in this world who don’t despise me are the few friends I have. I am hated and I am feared. Rightfully so. And I fucking despise the thing inside of me for it.
“What is he talking about?” Sumner looks up at me, her soft brows pinched together. There’s confusion in her voice and there’s also concern. It’s the former I hold onto, disregarding the other emotion as quickly as it leaves her lips. She wouldn’t hold empathy if she knew even a fraction of what the poor boy’s words meant.
I glance back at the ground for a moment, then look up, avoiding eye contact with either of them. “Nothing. Let’s go.”
We continue in the direction of home, my head a swarming mess. The guy continues to spit hateful remarks until we’re out of sight. My chest feels like it’s being squeezed by a noose at every new insult. I take them without a fight because I know I deserve them.
It isn’t the fact of what I’ve done, but what I will do. He knows it as well as I do.
To my surprise, Sumner doesn’t question his reaction any further. It’s something I find odd. Though, much about her is odd. She already thinks so little of me, so in her mind, he’s probably just another victim to my anger. In this particular case, she’d be wrong. It wasn’t my anger that shattered that man’s life. Not this time it wasn’t. Not yet.
I’d never tell Sumner, but truthfully, I envy her. The world can throw everything it has at her and she doesn’t budge. It’s the kind of strength I wish I had. I can act like the man’s pain doesn’t faze me all I want. In the end, it’s all I’m going to think about tonight. And the following night. Again and again until it consumes me.
It’s silent while we enter the busier part of town. We make it less than a block before Sumner is tugging on my sleeve, eyes set on something in front of her. There’s an innocence in her bright stare. Excitement. I follow her gaze, finding the booth she’s so entranced by, and I shake my head. “Absolutely not.”
“Future Readings Found Here,” she reads the sign out loud. “Come on, aren’t you a little curious as to what your future holds?”
“Sure, but I’m not going to find it here.”
Sumner pouts her bottom lip at me. I stand my ground, not falling for her sad eyes.
“Fine. You’re no fun.” She turns in that direction, dropping me like a day-old bagel and heading for the man beside the stand.
The girl is so stubborn. He’s going to take her for everything she has if I’m not there to stop it, so I follow behind, annoyed with how much of my time she’s taking, even if I am the one who invited her out.
“Is that a chameleon?” she whispers when we get closer, staring with wide eyes at the guy in front of us. I chuckle, because that is what it looks like, especially for someone who’s still learning the different orders. One man-sized lizard claiming to hold perception on the time ahead.
Seers are those with the gift of sight. Rare as hell and usually announced well before coming into any town.
There are plenty who study the sight, practice it. Very few actually hold the ability, fewer even who know how to properly use it. And if you did, you sure as shit wouldn’t be performing it on a fucking sidewalk.
The con artist eyes Sumner, no doubt sensing her naïve ambition.
“Would the pretty lady like a reading?” He holds his scaly hands out to her.