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I feel no guilt at all.

He already belongs to me; he just needs time to adjust to the idea, like moving into a house that is already furnished.

I check the time again. It is 1:38 PM. Elias will reach my door in twenty minutes. He will walk in smiling and full of trust, with no clue that I have seen every secret part of his body. He will never guess that I know exactly how he looks when he lies vulnerable and asleep.

I walk to the bathroom, wash my hands, and straighten my hair. In the mirror, I see an ordinary guy who plans to study with a friend. Nothing shows the truth of what I have just done.

The intercom buzzes exactly at 2:00 PM.

I press the button and keep my voice low. “Yeah?”

“It’s me!” Elias answers. His voice sounds bright and happy through the speaker. “Ready to study?”

I smile at my reflection in the mirror.

“Come on up,” I say.

Chapter 3

Elias

Iwalk into Yakov’s flat feeling stressed from the long bike ride. My mind keeps going back to the money problems and my mom. Yakov closes the door and gives me a small smile.

“Hey,” I say. “Thanks for letting me come over to study.”

“No problem,” Yakov says quietly. “Sit down and cover your eyes. I have a surprise for you.”

“Wait, what surprise?” I don’t move from the doorway. “Okay, wait. I’m a little scared. What did you buy? You don’t have to. You’ve been doing too much for me this week already.”

“Shh.” He presses a finger to his own lips, then to mine. “Cover your eyes. Now.”

I do. Arguing with Yakov takes energy I don’t have, so I let him steer me to the couch by the shoulders. A heavy stack drops onto the table in front of me, the thud too solid for anything small.

“Open your eyes.”

I open my eyes to a tower of stacked books, ranging from Guyton and Hall’s Physiology to Robbins’ Pathology. Most of these are in the library, but only a handful of times would I ever get to sit with them, let alone take one home. And here they are, stacked, all for my own private use.

“Are you serious?” I look up at him. “This is for me?”

“Of course.” He scratches the back of his neck, awkward all of a sudden. “I noticed you keep taking pictures of textbook pages instead of just having the book. I figured you’d rather have something you can write on, make notes, or whatever it is you wish to do.”

“This is too much. This is expensive.” My eyes are already tearing up. “No, let me pay you back for this—” I start reaching into my bag. I know the money I have isn’t going to be enough, but at least—

“No.” He cups my wrist, gently. “We already talked about this, didn’t we. I give you things because we’re friends, and you don’t pay me back. And besides, this is nothing, so consider it a gift from a friend, to commemorate our friendship.”

“I can’t just take from you; I need to pay you back somehow,” I say desperately needing him to let me.

He cups my wrist gently. “I’m not asking you for anything in return; I just want to see you pass your exams.”

I go and hug him immediately. He doesn’t hug me back at first, but then he does, and we stay there for a while, hugging each other while I sob silently into his chest. This is the nicest thing anybody has ever done for me, apart from my sponsor, who helped me get into this college. His generosity moves me.

Then my phone rings, shattering the emotional atmosphere between us; the hospital’s number flashes across the screen, and my stomach drops, and anxiety sets in.

“Hello, is this Elias?”

“Yeah, that’s me.” My stomach tightens. “Is my mom okay?”

“She’s stable.” There’s a pause on the other end. “I’m calling about this week’s treatment, though. Dr. Reyes wants to add two extra sessions, and unfortunately, insurance isn’t covering the difference.”