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“I didn’t say the shit was easy. I said live, and you keep confusing the two. I’m hungry as fuck.”
“I’m so glad you said that.”
Jaharee drove to the other side of town to our favorite soul food spot called Auntie Mae’s. We found a parking spot and walked up to the door.
“Hey, Kyenna! It’s so good to see you out and about,” one of my daddy’s lady friends said.
There it was. The shit I was just expressing to Jaharee that I didn’t want to deal with. My happiness had instantly drained from me. Jaharee grabbed my hand before I could retreat and put a guard up.
“Come on. I’m hungry.”
We were seated and given menus. I picked the menu up and studied it like I hadn’t been to the restaurant over a dozen times. Jaharee pulled the menu down.
“You ain’t gotta stand there and let a muthafucka give you condolences for the rest of your life. She meant well, but we came to eat. You don’t owe anyone a grief update.”
“That’s what I was trying to explain to you earlier. People look at me different now. It’s just easier to stay out of eyesight.”
“Of course, people see you different, Kyenna. Yo’ fucking husband got murdered.”
“Jaharee, I know.”
“Then stop thinking every look means they’re judging. Some people don’t know what the fuck to say. You know how many people done walked up to me and asked how I’m doing?”
“What do you tell them?”
“I’m fucked up.”
It was the way she said it that made me laugh.
“I’m serious, bitch. What do they want me to say? My brother got killed, and I’m doing amazing?”
“Exactly.”
“So, tell them you’re okay and move the fuck on. That’s what you gotta learn to do. Everybody don’t deserve access to what’s going in here.” She pointed at my chest.
“I’ve been saying I’m fine for so long that I think I’ve convinced myself.”
“You don’t have to lie to me. If you’re not fine, let me know so I can be there for you.”
“Enough of that. Can we eat?”
“Okay, I’m starving, and I’m about to order appetizers.”
“Plural?”
“Um, yes, the fuck?” Jaharee said.
“I think I want a salad.”
“Don’t start that shit. If you sit across from me with that rich widow ass salad, I’m going to snap.”
“Jaharee!”
“What?” She laughed. “Too soon.”
“Way too fucking soon.”
“You are rich though, Sis.”
