Page 26

“Collins, what is it? Did the painting night bring up a bunch of stuff for you? I’m here to talk if you need it.”

She bites her lower lip, something I realize she does when she’s nervous or unsure.

“C’mon, tell me.” Out of instinct, I squeeze her wrist before pulling away.

“I had fun the other night. I really did. It was nice to feel lighter, if even for a few hours. That hasn’t happened in a long time. Even if I’m out in public, smiling and chatting with people… I’m usually acting. I always feel like I’m being dragged down. Paint night was the first time since Caleb’s death that I was able to be in the moment and felt closer to my old self again.” Her eyes are shiny in the dim light of the massage room.

“What’s bothering you then?”

Collins bites her lip again, nibbling.

“You can talk to me. What’s going on?”

She opens her mouth to say something, then closes it. I decide to give her a second to gather her thoughts rather than pressuring her.

“I went through Caleb’s office this weekend.”

I understand why that would be hard for her, in some ways harder than going through some of his clothes, since the office was all his. Everything in there, he picked out. He spent a lot of time there, and when some of the guys from the firehouse and I would go over, we’d often watch sports in there. He loved that room.

“I’m sure that was difficult. Must have surfaced a bunch of feelings,” I say carefully.

She nods, but I’m not sure that’s all there is to it.

“Did something else happen?” I don’t want to intrude too far, but I want her to know she can talk to me.

Collins studies me for a beat and shakes her head, eyes filling with unshed tears.

“Hey, hey.” I wrap my arms around her. “I miss him too. I know losing my best friend isn’t the same as losing your husband, but I’m here for you, all right?” I draw back and meet her eyes. “Whether that means you want to talk about him, or whether that means you don’t. Whatever you need, Collins. You don’t have to pretend to be okay around me.”

She bites her bottom lip and nods, though she looks as though there’s more on her mind.

I decide to change the subject. “Have you given any thought to what we should do on our next outing?”

She twists her mouth for a moment, appearing appreciative for the change of topic. “Did you see the new yoga studio that opened up on Main Street beside a Slice of Life?”

“Noticed the sign the other day.”

“I’m not sure whether you’d be up for it, but I checked it out online, and they have hot yoga. I used to do yoga a lot before I moved here, and I always found it relaxing and a good way to reduce stress.”

I shrug. “As long as it’s not Pilates. I’ve seen some of the videos on socials of men who thought they’d kill it and were immediately humbled.”

“I admire your willingness to make a fool out of yourself, Ansel.” She smiles, and I feel lighter knowing I’ve accomplished my task.

“Hey, how do you know I’m not going to kill it at hot yoga? Maybe I’ll surprise you.”

“If you’re anything like Caleb, you’re going to complain the whole time.”

I lean back on my hands and notice Collins’s gaze dip to my bare chest. Weirdly, I forgot that I’m sitting here shirtless, my lower half covered only by a sheet. “Caleb went to hot yoga with you?”

“I convinced him to try it with me back in Texas. He only went once, complained the whole time. I think he was having trouble keeping up, honestly.”

I can’t help but laugh. “Funny, Caleb never told Fowler and me.”

She smiles. “I’m sure he knew he’d never hear the end of it if he did.”

“Yeah, we would’ve busted his balls about it for years. Which reminds me, Fowler doesn’t need to know, okay?”

We both laugh.