Page 44
Nineteen
I lie, because I’d rather not share the truth, even though it will probably come out anyways. Nothing stays secret around here, especially not that sort of gossip. Dating apps should get an ‘already dated your friends and family’ feature for paid subscribers. Imagine how many people this has happened to? The whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth, and my mood is filthy.
The overwhelming madness of trying to chat to heaven only knows how many women at once, and the inane questions. Only to get ghosted, unmatched — or just deleted. Other than when induced by my ex-wife, I rarely get anxious, but this Tinder shit has me wishing I had a shrink. Even my sleep patterns are off, because I can’t think straight.
The pressure to respond, and not just respond but to mind read what the right fucking response is, it’s killing me. Now I’m worried every match has screwed my son too. Fuck this shit. Why do people do this? Fucking masochists. The thought that there are multiple apps like this, and people sign up to them, all just about gives me hives.
It’s very safe to say I am done. I like the thrill — it’s amazing — but I think I’d rather take up base jumping than keep doing this.
My children of course ignore my message to come home, and I am left to pace up and down. Simmering in the anger that isn’t all directed at them, but also at myself. I can’t actually believe I entertained this idea at all. Besides Channing, every single one has been a nutcase, and even she was hot and cold. Just shutting things down because I have grown-ass kids. Nothing makes sense anymore. The entire world is mad, and I wonder if I shouldn’t just go back to working. At least numbers make sense to me.
By the time the triplets arrive late on Monday afternoon, I am ready to rip into them, reminding myself that physical violence is never the answer. I wait. Once they’re unpacked, feeling all fragile, tired, hungover, and sorry for themselves, I call them to my office. This isn’t a family talk in the living room chat — this is the riot act.
Their silence and the looks from one to another, seeking out who to blame, is something I have seen so many times over the years.
“Sit. Emily, you’re excused, this is a family chat, dear.” She looks at Lycan then me, before slinking out the office door closing it behind her. I don’t know which one to start with, because all three need their leashes tightened right now.
“Dad…” Lycan opens his mouth and shuts it again knowing better than to challenge me now.
“I don’t even know where to start with you three.”
“Three?” Lycan says, and for once he may be right; he’s in slightly shallower shit than the other two.
“Shut up and listen,” I snap. “Fallon, let me start with you. Because I cannot look at you right now.” He slumps his shoulders.
“You will delete all your profiles on all the dating apps. Now, here in front of me.” I wait for him to pull out his phone. “And I made you an appointment to get screened for STDs because lord knows what you have caught fucking everything that swiped right.” He looks mortified. “Did you know Melissa is a single mom? These are people that you fuck with. They have feelings, Fallon.” He can’t look me in the eye any longer. I am so ashamed of him right now, I don’t want to. “Phone.” I hold out my hand and he gives it to me. “Credit card.” I wait for him to get his wallet out. “You’re not twenty-one yet. I don’t care that you’re in college. I didn’t raise you this way. I am not angry or even disappointed, I am just sad, son.”
“Sorry, Dad.” I don’t know if he means it. But he says it.
“I think you need a day or two to pull yourself together.”
“Yes, Dad.”
“Lycan, same phone and card then you two can go. Tala and I need to talk alone.” My sons sulk out of the room; if they acted like adults, I wouldn’t have to do this. They need to grow up.
“You and me, young lady, we need to talk about more than a few things.” She’s already got tears in her eyes — I know this tactic and it won’t work today. Today I am pissed. “You knew about your brother and Melissa the minute I got there. Why didn’t you say something?” She sniffs and wipes her eyes.
“I asked her to leave, Dad, even Fallon asked her to go. She wouldn’t.”
“I meant why didn’t you tell me?” She rolls her eyes, and for a second I contemplate murder but remember orange isn’t my color. “You’re getting very good at keeping secrets from me, Tala, and I don’t like it. We have one rule, no secrets or lies.”
“I’m not, Dad.”
“Boyfriend?” is all I say, and she stops her rebuttal. “You didn’t tell me about that. You are sneaking around with him. People are watching and talking. From what Kate has to say, he’s not exactly from good breeding.”
“Listen to yourself!” she says “And Kate, really Dad? She’s got her head up her ass. She would also tell you anything if it meant you’d look at her for five seconds.”
“Tala, he’s way older than you.”
“So what, you were dating Channing!”
“I am forty-five, not twenty. You are throwing your life away.”
“How? How, Dad? Explain to me how I am throwing my life away because I’m in love. You’re just jealous.” Her inner bitch is out, and she better put it back in its cage real fast.
“Careful, Tala,” I warn her. “I ignored the bullshit when you lot signed me up to Tinder. I ignored the boyfriend business, until it became the talk of the town how inappropriate you’d been behaving before I arrived in Montauk. I even let you have free rein for the birthday party, but you have lost your way, girl. I suggest you find it.” I don’t want my daughter to fall into the same traps I see her friends in. I want so much more for her. But, she’s a stubborn, hard headed hellion when she makes up her mind. I know what her next move is — blame me, or decide that just because other people are dating a certain way that it’s okay for her to do the same.
Three, two, one…
