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“Uh, yes.” I grab her phone from her hand, but realize I have no idea what I’m looking for. “Where is it?”

“In TikTok.” She rolls her eyes and takes the phone back. “You don’t want to see it. Go eat, you’ll be less hangry if your stomach is full.” She shoves her phone in her bra so I won’t try take it again. I grab the lunch bag and Birdie smiles at me. “Bye, asshole.”

“Bye, Birdie.” I shake my head, she’s so different to me. Carefree, fun, and happy all the time. That’s the luxury of being the youngest child, no pressure or expectations. I take my lunch bag back to my office and my butt isn’t even in the chair when Paige appears.

“Is she dead? Do I need to help move a body? Because you don’t pay enough for that.” She smiles, knowing my sister’s antics would upset me. “It is rather funny though, your sister trying to find you a girlfriend on social media. They can’t even follow you or find you, because you don’t have any.” Social media is the devil. That shit will end a relationship before it ever starts one — unless it’s starting an affair, which social media is notorious for.

“I don’t need social media.”

“How will you ever find someone to date without it?” This genuinely perplexes her.

“Is my single status really such huge issue to you and Bird? Because I can promise it doesn’t bother me that much.”

“All I’m saying is, since you got ditched by the redheaded writer you’ve been an even bigger dick, so either you really liked her or she really upset you to the point that your shit mood has lasted months longer than it normally does. Your ego is bruised or you’re still wanking to the image of her, but it’s starting to get on my left tit. So please go get laid, or find something that will make you less volatile.”

“I have not been worse,” I snap back at her. She might be right, maybe, but I’m not telling her that.

“Really?” Shaking her head she dumps an iPad in front of me with the schedule for the rest of the day on it. “We have an investor meeting tomorrow, can you find it in yourself not to be the angriest man in the city for a few hours, or should I cancel now?” We need them, I can’t cancel. “The stamp guy has invited you to some sort of charity event next week, can I RSVP?” I nod. “A plus one?” she asks.

“No, just me.” She’s being weird because she knows I never take a plus one to any event I may be invited to. The one time I did take a date to a gala, I forgot about her because I was networking, and she was vapid. Going there again isn’t a bad idea, it’s a terrible idea.

“Maybe you’ll find a social media recluse like you there, and fall in love. Like a Cinderella at the ball story, but you’re beast from Beauty and The Beast. Oh, a fairy tale mash-up.”

“Go away, Paige.” I hand the iPad back to her, done with this crap. “I have work to do.”

“Did you see it?” she asks me, still hovering at my desk.

“See what?”

“Birdie’s video.”

“No, she stuck her phone in her bra, like a real little sister.” I roll my eyes. “Show me.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Now I really want to see it. “But hey, I’m not the one going to hell. Here.” She hits play on a video and flips the iPad back to me.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no. I sort of wish I’d spent more time watching serial killer shows and less time watching The Block. How I plan on murdering Birdie flashes in my mind, and it’s both vivid and graphic.

“Tell me that people can’t actually see this shit?” I say to Paige.

“Uh, hmmm, you see almost a million people have already have seen it. It’s been dueted and shared all over — you are the most popular asshole on TikTok right now. Lucky for you the only way they can find you is at the bakery — no sweet treats and you’ll be fine.”

“I’m not fine.”

“According to @carryanne you are #DAMNFINE.” She bursts out laughing and the urge to throw the iPad at the wall is getting stronger by the second. If they didn’t cost so much, it would a permanent fixture in my wall by now. “These comments are like stand-up comedy, I could do this all day.”

“Pity you have a job to do.” I’m certainly not listening to it all day.

“Slave driver,” she huffs, and switches back to work mode. “I have the proposal for the new build from the interior decorator, do you want to do that now?”

“Yes, leave that with me, thanks.”

“She’d like to meet in person.”

“No.”

“But—”

“No, she’s fucking painful. Good at her job, yes, but a painfully irritating. No, I’ll look at it and if I’m happy she can go ahead. I can’t deal with her and go to a charity dinner with stamp man in one week,” I sigh. “Too many people.”

“Okay then, you need anything else from me? Otherwise I’m going to head out to site for the walk-through.”

“You sure you don’t need me for that?”

“No, Grumpy, you can stay here.” She rolls her eyes, grabs her iPad and leaves. It’s a been a long week and it’s only Tuesday.