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The part he was still working on was resisting the urge to poke around in the other memories: Stepping into the clearing and finding Cian and Luke waiting for him; the look on Bren’s face before he’d flipped him off.

He filled his lungs and let the memories float by, observing them rather than forcing himself to look away. They were things that had happened to him, but they didn’t have power over him. They didn’t define him.

“Yeah,” Bren said, pulling A.J. from his thoughts as the memories shone with a light that only his boyfriend brought out. “But it keeps makin’ me wanna take a leak.”

Whether he wanted it or not, a new memory was added to the river. At least Bren was downstream of him. So that was good.

“It’s still unclear,” A.J. said, “exactly why I’m so attracted to you.”

“’Cause I’m charming as fuck,” Bren said, following up the pronouncement with a belch.

A.J. sighed. “You really shouldn’t be, though. The math doesn’t support it.”

“Hey, I’m the maths genius now. It adds up just fine.”

A memory bumped against the riverbank and A.J. scooped it up. An overcast sky, his heart beating out of his chest as he leaned in to kiss the best friend he’d ever had.

“Hey, Bren?” he asked. “What was our first kiss like for you?”

There was a pause. He was sure Bren remembered the secluded path and heavy clouds that day.

“Fuckin’ terrifyin’.” The usual lilt of humor that accompanied such replies was missing.

“Oh, yeah, I’m a really scary guy.”

Bren laughed as a new song came from the other side of A.J.’s room. “You remember I fuckin’ ran away, right? Lucky I managed to grab onto you first, really.”

That was a surprise. He’d always assumed that hormones had been the reason Bren had dragged him back to his house that day.

“OK, but looking back on it now—it’s, like, a good memory, right?” He tried to sound cute about it, but there was a kernel of worry nestled in the memories that floated by.

“Keeps me goin’ through all this studyin’, anyway.”

Warmth spread through A.J.’s core despite the bitter wind outside. He closed his eyes and held the memory closer, letting himself step into the day that changed him forever, sure that Bren was there with him too.

43

Bren’s shoulders slumped with the full weight of early morning as he stepped into his bedroom. He let his shower-dampened towel rest on his head as he pulled on the uniform he’d slung over the foot of his bed yesterday.

The weather was having a laugh as usual. After four days of drizzle, the sun had come out just in time for his first Valentine’s Day away from Arlo. His fingers tapped on his phone’s keypad, his mind split-focused on everything he needed to do before he’d be able to flop down in bed and hear his boyfriend’s voice on the one day of the year that was meant for couples. Whoever invented time zones needed a slap.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Robolad.

Got that stupid history test today so I gotta keep my head in the game, but I’m gonna be thinking about you non-stop once that bell rings. Give me a call around four your time? Don’t wanna make it to midnight without hearing my lad’s voice today.

Love you xx

There were a lot of other things he wanted to say to Arlo, but if he got started it would be a miracle if he made it out the door at all.

Focusing on the white pudding Mam brought home last night, Bren trudged to the kitchen. Together with a fried egg and some sliced tomato on toast, it was one of the only good reasons to be up so early.

He’d pulled the ingredients out of the fridge before his tunnel vision relaxed enough for him to see the box about the size of a toaster sitting on the table, done up in wrapping paper that Bren recognized from the collection Mam kept tucked in the back of her closet.

He raised his eyebrows as he picked up the plain white card folded in a triangle on top.

If Mam was trying to make him feel better about being away from Arlo, she was choosing a weird way to do it. His confusion increased when he saw Mam’s handwriting on the inside of the card, but then his brain woke up and his heart smiled.

From that nervous Canadian lad of yours.