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“Yeah, well excuse me for not thinking about sex when I was packing for a weekend with my kid.”
“You’re still in the gas station, right?”
“Yessss,” I snapped.
“Then get some now.”
Wrinkling my nose, I protested, “I have Owen with me.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, seriously. It’s creepy to be buying sex shit along with my son’s candy.”
Cal snorted. “Listen, when you’re on your second or third kid, you won’t think that way. Hell, I’m pretty sure we conceived JJ with Josie in the bed with us.”
“Fuck, man.”
“She was dead to the world.”
“That sounds like the ultimate cock shriveler.”
“I’d been on the road for three weeks. I was so horny I would’ve screwed her in front of all you guys.”
“You’re disgusting.”
Cal roared with laughter. “Macy just said the same thing.”
When Owen skipped back up with a king-sized bag of Skittles, I grimaced. He would be bouncing off the walls all afternoon with all the sugar and red dye. “Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“Uh, huh.”
As I took the Skittles in my hand, the realization came over me that Cal was right. I needed to get laid. It’d been so long that I was starting to get calluses from jerking off to bad porn.
“One sec, buddy. Daddy needs to grab one more thing.”
“Hell yeah! You get you some!” Cal shouted in my ear.
“Shut up,” I grumbled as I started searching the aisles.
“Daddy, what’s you doin’?”
With a groan, I threw my head back and stared at the brown water leak on the ceiling tile. Well, you see, son, your dear old dad is so desperate to get his cock wet that he’s going to resort to picking up some stray piece of ass at one of the festival celebrations. But he needs some protection to make sure he doesn’t bring home an STI as a souvenir.
“Just grabbing some medicine.”
“Yeah, Daddy’s weiner is very sick,” Cal replied.
“It is?” Owen questioned with a concerned look at my crotch.
“Hanging up now,” I gritted through my clenched teeth.
“Fine. We’ll see you in ten. Macy has you on Life360, so I’ll be able to give you directions to where we are.”
“Of course she does,” I muttered before hanging up.
Owen frowned up at me. “Is my wee wee gonna get sick?”
Kill me now. “No, bud. Uncle Cal was just joking.”
