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My breaths become shallow, and my throat tightens when I say, “It didn’t have to be that way. You could’ve left me a trail to follow.”
Her gaze drops. “That… that is valid. I should’ve.”
I shift on the cushions and ask, “Why didn’t you?”
She spins the glass between her fingers, staring at the liquid dancing in the light. “Father would’ve found us.”
My lips part and voice rasps, “Was he hurting you?”
Was I so blinded by my heartbroken grief for all these years that I’d missed my own sister hurting?
She shakes her head. “By the Weave, no. Father is many things, but he’d never lay a hand on either of us. And Mama…” Her fingers turn white when she clutches the glass. “Father lied to her. He said he wasn’t at the Archweaver estate when Viola was executed and couldn’t stop it, but that bitch Luciana let the truth slip just to watch Mama break. She couldn’t bear to be around Father after that, and neither could I.”
The silence stretches between us. My thumb rubs along the ring on my middle finger, now heavier than ever. I swallow, fighting against the pressure behind my eyes.
Emilia glares. “Don’t you dare.”
A sob escapes, and my legs shift on her lap when I roll to my side. “Then look away. Just—Fuck, look away.”
“Ugh, Valen! At least tell me this blubbering is about something other than me.”
My breath is trembling, and I try my best to sound normal. “I failed you.”
“For the love of the Tapestry, Valen.”
“You were engaged to a rotted, mad weaver for seven years. I should’ve done more to help you. I should’ve refused the signet ring.” I gasp for breath. “I’m as bad as our father.”
“Let’s not go that far. At least you feel remorse.” A pause, then, “What has gotten into you? Other than a magician.”
“Fuck, Emilia.” I burst out laughing, my arms dropping from my face. She smirks darkly. I wipe my face clean. “I hate that we were torn apart.”
She clicks her tongue and holds my hand again. “For the record, I don’t regret leaving. I don’t regret throwing my engagement ring at Dad right before either. That felt amazing. But I regret leaving you.”
Yet, there’s a wave surging within me. I gasp, my eyes aching as I gaze deep into my sister’s that match my own. My heart pounds, chills shivering down my spine.
Her head tilts, and she asks quietly, “What is it?”
I swallow rhythmically before answering. “Astoria.”
“What about her?”
A dull pain expands in my chest. “I think… I think I fucked up.”
“How?”
“I… I… I don’t know. Emilia. I… Every decision I’ve made, every option I’ve chosen, has led me down this path of agony. I asked her to return here with me, and she refused.”
Emilia snorts. “Well, duh. You really set yourself up to be the victim with that one.”
“She asked me to stay with her and leave the Order.”
Her eyes flare. “And?”
“I said no.”
Emilia scoffs and tosses my hand. “For the love of the Weave. You’re a damn idiot. No wonder you’re all messed up. You’re just floundering around purposefully making bad choices.”
I snap, but my voice cracks, “I didn’t choose to suffer! I chose what is expected of me.”
