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“Oh, Alyssa, I’m sorry. I didn’t say that to hurt you. I think it’s good to be honest, and Jonathan deserves it. So do you. Can I help in any way?”
Still bruised, Alyssa shook her head and forced a smile. “No. I’m not mad. You’re right. I just didn’t realize it.” She nibbled at her lip and slipped her glasses back on. “I have to think.”
“Just remember, love doesn’t really add up nicely on a ledger. It’s messy and damn scary. It’s like jumping off a cliff, and you have a fifty/fifty shot of either dying or flying. Some risk the cliff over and over. Others figure their statistics are crappy, and they’re better off walking than flying.”
The image stuck in her head in crystal-clear clarity, blinding her with the sudden knowledge of what she’d been doing. “Yes, that makes perfect sense.”
Mia reached over and gave her a half-hug, her belly blocking most of the contact. “Once you decide if he’s worth it, don’t look back. Just leap. Trust me, it seems to work best that way. Harper and Ophelia would agree with me.”
“Thanks, Mia. I’m going to head to my room for a bit. Take some time.”
She left the porch, already sensing change in the air, and a big decision to make.
To jump off the cliff or not.
It was a question she needed to answer.
ten
Jonathan followed the pathway toward the barns, letting the light of the moon guide his way. He’d tossed and turned for a while before giving up on sleep. It was impossible, knowing Alyssa was right next door. He imagined her naked, hair loose over the pillow, eyes sleepy without the protection of her glasses, arms reaching out for him.
Yeah, after a cold shower, he’d decided to get some air. The inn was quiet, and he enjoyed the cover of darkness for both his body and heart, which ached with the knowledge that he’d never be able to have the only woman he wanted.
Being surrounded by family and friends for the holiday reminded him his job was an important part of him, but not everything. He’d been neglecting the man inside, who now craved a partner to share the high and low moments of his life with.
Would Alyssa be willing to wait until after the election? If he settled into the role of governor, maybe they’d have a chance. Control the press by bringing the announcement to the public, or at least easing them in. It wasn’t like he was having an affair or betraying his late wife. Mia could spin it as a positive experience—the well-known bachelor finally settling down into domestic bliss.
His thoughts spun with possibilities, but the whisper came deep from his gut.
Her life will change forever. She’ll always be in the public eye. Is that what she really wants?
Probably not.
He reached the barns, the interiors dimly lit, but he knew the security cameras were whirring. Ethan was a former bodyguard and made sure his property and the people he loved were well protected. It was another reason Jonathan never worried when Chloe spent time here.
He made his way toward the back and sat on a large rock, his gaze studying the shadowy outline of mountains. Hundreds of stars winked brightly from the velvety sky. The wind rushed past his face, icy cold but refreshing, and he sat with his thoughts and the quiet for a while.
A twig cracked behind him.
He stiffened, wondering about large animals other than sweet rescues, but his body recognized her like a mate. Slowly, he turned.
She stood behind him, her arms clasped tightly across her chest. Her ash-blond hair was loose and fell like a waterfall of silk past her shoulders. She wore jeans, old sneakers, and a black wool coat. Her nose was pink in the chilly air.
“Are you okay?” he asked, shifting his weight to look at her fully. “What are you doing out here, Alyssa?”
Her chin tilted up a few notches. “Same as you, I imagine. Couldn’t sleep.” She moved closer, and his body automatically tensed, battling the need to touch her. “What are you thinking about?”
You. Always you.
“Work, of course.” He paused. “Did you have fun today?”
“It was the best Thanksgiving I ever had.”
The simple words tore at him. She was a woman who deserved so much love. But he also realized life was a choice. She didn’t have to be lonely. She just had to choose to be with people she cared about instead of being alone. God, how he wanted to give her that.
He wanted to give her everything.
Slowly, he uncurled himself from his seated position and faced her. Moonlight bathed her profile, coating her skin in a silvery glow. Her big, brown eyes were trained on him, glinting with an odd intensity and determination he didn’t understand. “Why?” he asked softly. “Because you were with Chloe? And friends? With people who care? It should be that way all the time, you know. Maybe you need to start asking for more in your life.”
