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It has all the elements I’d expect… but not in quite the configuration I’d be hoping for.

Antiques Roadshow

Gion celebrated his five hundred and sixty-third birthday at Happy Applewhite’s Rockin’ Roller Rink and Robot R’cade.

Even knowing that Isaacs had selected the location to be awful, it was shocking just how awful it was. Kahn’s eyebrows soared as he took in the rundown space.

A wooden skating oval dominated the back half of the building, with a giant mirror ball and black lights haphazardly affixed to the ceiling. Around the perimeter was a skate rental shop, a concession area, and a DJ booth playing music that even Kahn knew was about five decades out of fashion. The arcade (correction: r’cade) machines were at the front. Pinball and Pac-Man were the only games functioning.

Birthday parties were held on a raised platform, painted in neon colors and festooned with red balloons. Tables were set with red paper plates. “Have a Rockin’ Good Time, Gianne!” read a crooked banner overhead. Robots in party hats lined the walls.

Actual robots.

They were big, bulky mechanical men, like something out of a 1950s sci-fi film. Kahn had seen at least two of those movies, and both of them had ended in the robot abducting some poor woman. He shifted closer to Randa, just in case.

Who had invented these atrocities?

“They spelled your name wrong.” Tharsis told Gion, in a not very helpful tone. He gestured up to the listing banner. “We should ask for a discount, Geee-ann.”

Cross gave a choked snort, as if he knew better than to actually laugh.

Job sighed.

Gion’s jaw ticked. He couldn’t storm out of the colorful dungeon, though. His sweet little Match was right beside him, putting the finishing touches on the decorations.

“This place looked better in pictures.” Ty remarked with a slight frown. “That party planner never returning my texts really did set us back a bit. But adding these streamers will help create a better atmosphere.” She began attaching them to every available surface. (Kahn didn’t see much improvement.) “Isaacs said this was the number one party venue in Mayport Beach.”

It probably was. For kindergarteners.

“I’m just touched that you went to so much trouble for me, angel.” Gion steadied Ty, as she climbed over chairs to stretch the crimson crepe paper around. (All the overly-festive decorations were blood-red. It was like a bar mitzvah held at a crime scene.) “Is this what you and Isaacs have been planning?”

She nodded excitedly. “I was sure you never had a birthday party before.”

“You’re right. I haven’t.”

“So you’re surprised?”

The corner of his mouth tipped upward. “Extremely.”

“After that unreliable party planner disappeared on me, Isaacs took over.” She rolled her eyes indulgently. “He was mischievous with some of the details. But I know the games you two play are just how you show affection. We both wanted you to have a wonderful birthday.”

“You make every day wonderful for me.” He lifted her down and kissed the top of her head, even as his gaze scanned for Isaacs. Ty could do no wrong in Gion’s eyes, but the other Air Phase was a dead man.

“Why are a dozen evil robots surrounding us?” Daven stage-whispered to Mannus. “Is Gion building an army of them? Were we supposed to buy him more as gifts? Because I didn’t get him any robots. I got him a lamp.”

“They’re not evil robots.” Tessie, Keeper of the Quintessence and Job’s Match interjected. “They’re just animatronics. Like life-sized toys.” She was sitting on a tabletop, fiddling with Job’s ice-cream-cone-patterned tie. Tessie was on a mission to liven up her Match’s wardrobe, so this must be her idea of “Job party wear.”

“Humans allow their young to play with evil robots?” Daven seemed horrified.

“It seems so.” Julius confirmed sadly. “Before Kahn disassembled it, Randa’s TV showed me ‘cartoons’ with robots who sing and dance.”

Kahn scowled. He hadn’t “disassembled” the TV. He was fixing it.

“Wall-E didn’t sing and dance. He watched people sing and dance.” Mannus corrected.

“Yes, he did sing and dance!” Daven contradicted, even though he’d apparently not seen the movie.

Sullivan looked appalled. “Will there be any singing here? Because I don’t want to listen. I didn’t even want to come.”