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Ray continues. “He knows that. It was a warning shot. Same as he gave you.”
“He’s a crap shot,” I say. “Was probably aiming for my head.”
Ray falls silent. His jaw works like the next words are being dragged out of him.
“Wouldn’t have thought the kid had it in him,” he says. Real affection roughens his voice, buried under years of grit—the same tone he used when Drew was a teenager. “He was your boy, though.”
Ray’s eyes meet mine again.
“Picked up that ruthlessness straight from you.”
That old familiar shame twists low in my gut.
Ray leans forward slightly. “I want you to find him. Bring him home. Whatever it takes.”
“I’ve got a kid in school and now a job at a casino,” I say. “Where the fuck do you think I’m going?”
Ray looks down at his desk and slowly shakes his head, like I’ve disappointed him.
“Find him yourself,” I tell him. “And when you do, put a bullet in him from me.”
Ray doesn’t answer. He just watches me with that cold, calculating stare, the lingering affection for Drew rotting underneath it.
I give him one last look and push through the door.
36
CARMEN
Levi, Theo, and I are at the zoo today, and Theo takes charge from the moment we walk through the gates.
He pulls us from one exhibit to the next, holding the map in both hands. He presses his face close to the glass at the tigers, points excitedly at the red pandas, and jumps back with a loud yelp every time a snake so much as twitches.
My cheeks hurt from smiling. There’s something about a child’s excitement that catches you. It makes the whole world feel brighter.
Even Levi feels it. He tries to act unaffected, muttering dry comments under his breath and pretending he’s only here because Theo wanted to come, but there is a softness around his mouth all afternoon. He lingers when Theo lingers. Smiles when he thinks no one is watching. Lets Theo drag him toward the next enclosure without once complaining properly.
I think the man is actually having fun.
He’s been different lately. Or maybe we all have.
The three of us have started having dinner together almost every night. I’m not entirely sure when it became a habit, only that it did. Levi insists on cooking, which worried me at first. He is good at a lot of things, but domestic tasks are usually a little…questionable.
Cooking, though, he takes seriously. He follows recipes carefully, moving around the kitchen with that same grim focus he brings to everything else. Chopping one-handed. Reading instructions twice. Muttering at saucepans. Refusing help unless something absolutely requires two hands. And somehow, despite the swearing and the occasional dramatic insult aimed at the stove, the meals are good.
Really good.
The first time I told him his pasta was delicious, he grinned at me like a schoolboy. He was so pleased with himself that I almost laughed. Since then, he has been trying to earn that same reaction every night, though he would rather lose his remaining hand than admit it.
Other things are going well too. My classes are finally starting to make sense. I got an A-minus on my last test, and I still keep checking the paper to make sure it has not somehow changed. Last night Diane called, squealing with excitement because she got the promotion, and I danced around my kitchen with the phone pressed to my ear, so pleased for her.
For the first time in years, everything feels good.
There are still hard things waiting. The divorce. A thousand other worries I’m not ready to look at too closely. But right now, standing in the middle of the zoo with Theo laughing beside me and Levi’s hand warm at the small of my back, my heart feels full.
By the end of the day, I’m getting tired but Theo informs us that the gift shop isn’t optional. Five minutes later we’re surrounded by plush animals, novelty mugs, and key rings shaped like meerkats.
Levi rolls his eyes at the price tag on the stuffed penguin Theo is hugging. “Twenty-seven dollars,” he mutters.
