Page 165
Fifi lifts her head, gives one suspicious snort, then flops back down.
Clearly, I’m on my own.
My heart thuds as I walk to the door.
Levi is standing on the porch. For one strange second, I see us at the beginning again. Him on my doorstep, full of confidence and bad ideas, expecting to be let in because he wanted to be.
Tonight, there are no gas-station flowers or cocky smirk. Just tense shoulders and quiet nerves.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hey.”
He rubs the back of his neck. “So…I’ve been talking to the counselor at Theo’s school.”
“I heard.”
“Yeah.” His jaw shifts. “Figured she’s a woman. Might know how to make things better with you.”
Despite myself, my mouth almost softens.
“She said I should write down what I’m feeling and say it out loud.” He looks deeply uncomfortable. “Apparently that’s a thing people do.”
“Go on, then,” I say.
He pulls a bent notebook from his back pocket, flips through the pages, and clears his throat. The faint flush climbing his neck is unexpectedly endearing.
He looks down at the page, takes a breath, and starts.
“Carmen, I’m not good at this. I’m not good at any of it. But I love you. I love Theo. I even love Fifi, which is a humiliating development.”
His voice drops.
“I’m sorry for lying to you. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry I made you feel stupid for trusting me.”
My throat tightens.
He keeps his eyes on the page like looking at me might make him lose his nerve.
“If all I get is living next door and fixing things you tell me not to touch, I’ll take it. And if all you can give me is being angry, I’ll take that too. I’ll take whatever you can give me, as long as you know I’m sorry.”
He swallows.
“And I know I hurt you. I don’t forgive myself for that. I don’t expect you to forgive me either. I just need you to know I love you, and I’m not walking away unless you make me.”
It’s clumsy and raw but it’s honest.
He folds the notebook shut and shoves it back into his pocket, braced for my reaction.
The silence stretches.
“I’m still angry,” I say finally.
“I know.” He nods. “You should be.”
“I still don’t know how to trust you again.”
“I know that too.”
