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Usually I’d tell him to toughen up and go back to bed. It was just a dream. Nothing can get him in here.
But then, because I apparently have the self-control of a dog with its head in a bin, I picture Carmen’s face if she heard me say that. The soft disappointment.
I sigh and shove the blanket back. “Fine. Get in.”
No more thinking about Carmen, I tell myself. That’s it. Done. Contained.
Theo climbs in without hesitation and curls up beside me, small and warm against my side. He’s quiet for a minute, then says, “Were you at Carmen’s house tonight?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. Of course that’s the only thing he wants to talk about.
“Yeah,” I say carefully. “Thought you were asleep?”
“I woke up when you left. Heard the door.” He pauses. “Carmen’s really nice.”
“Yeah,” I mutter, staring at the ceiling.
“When we were making cupcakes, I told her I was scared you might not like the one I made of you because it looked weird.”
“It did look weird,” I say.
Theo makes a small sound, half laugh, half breath.
“But she said you’d love it,” he continues. “Because you love me.”
Everything in me goes still.
He deepens his voice, trying to sound serious. “I told her men don’t do that because it’s stupid. But she said you do love me.”
It’s a question, and he waits for an answer. I didn’t know he needed me to say shit like that. No one ever said it to me.
Guilt twists in me. I’ve been letting the kid down since the day he was born.
“Of course I do.”
Theo doesn’t say anything, but the relieved little breath he lets out hits me square in the chest.
I stare up into the dark.
A few minutes pass before he whispers, “I wish Carmen and Fifi lived with us. We could make cakes every day.”
I should shut that down. Tell him not to say stupid things. Tell him Carmen has her own life and we’re not staying here forever and nothing about this is simple.
Instead, all I manage is, “Go to sleep.”
He does. Eventually, his breathing slows against my side. I lie there wide awake in the dark.
23
CARMEN
I’m missing school this morning for a nine-hundred-dollar check-in appointment downtown with my lawyer.
Since Finn is paying, I tried to choose someone reasonable. Vince Vinegar had no connection to Maverick, which mattered, and I thought he was the affordable option.
Apparently, “affordable,” when applied to lawyers, just means expensive in a budget office.
And Vince’s office is definitely budget.
