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He peeled off shoes and jacket and tugged his tie and belt away, leaving all of it on a chair before he followed her.

“You’re not going to tell me?”

She pulled her robe over her bra and high-hip underwear, knotting the thick folds around herself.

“There’s nothing to say,” she insisted in a heavy voice. “She was telling me that her family is complicated but it’s very large and I got envious. Yaya is all the family I have and the doctor said today that her heart is failing.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you earlier?” He moved closer, but she was already turning away.

“I would have started crying and we had to go out.” She walked through to the bathroom.

“No, we didn’t.” He followed her.

“I asked you who we were meeting and you said he was a good friend and that his wife was very influential.” She pulled wipes from a capped box and ran them over her face, removing her makeup. “You said it was the right place to show all of Athens that you were alive and happily married.”

“I could have found another party at another time, Alia. If you don’t feel like going out, tell me and we won’t go out.”

She rinsed her face and straightened to dry it. “Whether it’s this party or another one makes no difference. You’re paying for Yaya’s care in exchange for me pretending to be your wife so I have to do that.”

“This isn’t indentured servitude! You only have to tell me when I’m asking too much.”

“It’s not too much,” she insisted as she rubbed moisturizer into her cheeks and forehead. “It’s what I’ve done every day for most of my life. ‘Hello, how are you?’” she said in a tone that was both bright and a lilting rote. “‘Are you having a nice time? Your scarf is beautiful. Yes, I’d love to see your photos.’ I can do that in my sleep.”

“So why did it upset you today?”

She looked at him as though he was causing her the worst torture for no reason. She walked into the bedroom, where he heard her sniff and pluck a tissue, then blow her nose.

“I won’t chase you around, begging you to tell me why you’re upset, Alia.”

How could he fix it if he didn’t know what was troubling her, though? He hated this feeling of failing to understand. Failing to provide what was needed. Comfort? Something else?

He walked out to the bedroom, where he found her sitting on the upholstered bench at the foot of the bed, doubled over, heels of her palms pressed into her eye sockets.

“I’m envious,” she admitted in a voice thick with disgrace, as though she was confessing a deadly sin. “Of a baby. Of all of them. And I hate myself for feeling this way. Yaya has given me a really good life. She wanted to adopt me, but she needed the stipend as a foster parent. It wasn’t easy for her to raise a child alone at her age, but she did it because she loved me. I think she still does. She just doesn’t re-remember—”

“Alia.” Why did this have to be so impossible? He couldn’t bring Herena’s memory back or extend her life any longer than her body was willing.

But he couldn’t stand to see Alia beating herself up this way. He sat down beside her and drew her into his side, but he needed to do more. He picked her up and held her closer. Tighter.

“When I saw how many people that baby has in her life, I got jealous,” she said on a sniff of misery. “Because I only have Yaya and one day soon, she’ll be gone and I’ll have no one.” If a heart could audibly break, he heard it in the way her voice cracked. “I’ll have to start from n-nothing.”

“No,” he said, almost adding, You’ll have me, but that’s not what this marriage was. “You have Julian.”

“He has a life with Khristos! I can’t expect him to look after me! I need to be able to do that for myself. I know that.”

“Alia. It’s not a failure to need people in your life.”

“You don’t,” she said almost like an accusation. “I’m just being maudlin because it was a hard day.” She pushed out of his arms, drawing ragged breath and blowing her nose again, visibly stifling her emotions. “Yaya is still here. I’ll get some rest and I’ll be fine.”

He sat there an extra minute, listening to her brush her teeth while wondering why he was so hesitant to tell her she could count on him. He prided himself on being reliant and capable. He worked hard to keep his promises and achieve what he said he would achieve.

That wasn’t what she wanted, though. She was looking for abstract things like direction and self-confidence and to know her place in the world. Connection. A family.

They finished getting ready for bed. It was earlier than he usually retired. The extra rest would do him good, but his mind was still busy, filtering through possibilities, landing again and again on a thought that was so outlandish, he shouldn’t even entertain it, but he couldn’t seem to dismiss it.

He doused the light and settled on his back, adjusting the covers so they were lower on his chest and his arms were out.

A light hand slid across to rest above his elbow.