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He turns his head to the side and cracks one eye open, bleary and rimmed red, anger simmering on the surface. I’ve never seen him this bad. It’s my fault he’s like this. He suffered alone while I took care of Elliott. I should have done more than make sure Tyler didn’t die of dehydration.

My alpha instincts were in overdrive. Tyler was so wild, so unlike himself, I was more worried about protecting Elliott. And that’s no excuse.

I had a lot of time to think while tending to Elliott’s heat. I could barely sleep, and I spent all those empty hours berating myself for being so selfish. I’m so fucking selfish. Tyler’s always been there for me. I was so lonely as a child until Tyler. He never left me despite how much he hated Niall.

And I abandoned him for an omega I barely know. I got caught up in Elliott’s scent. Tyler didn’t. I love you more than I want to knot a stranger I just met. That’s what Tyler said. I knew Tyler wanted him. He’s never brought a single omega home, never dated anyone. He finally connected with someone who wasn’t me, and I was greedy. I let Tyler be the bigger person, all because I can’t be alone, because deep down, I know I’ll never be more alone than if Tyler falls in love with someone else.

Tyler and I are toxic together. So fucking toxic. But most of that toxicity comes from me. Not him. My therapist was right. We’re codependent. We’re hurting each other, and I don’t want to hurt him. Things need to change or they need to end. If Tyler won’t end it, I have to be strong enough to let him go find happiness.

Fear makes my legs weak as I take a step closer, and another.

“What are you doing?” Tyler asks, eying me warily.

“I’m here to take care of you.” I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but I’m going to take care of my best friend.

“Take care of your omega.”

“Elliott’s heat is over. I dropped him off at his car and waited for him to drive away. Now it’s just me and you.” I touch his shoulder.

Tyler flinches like I’ve burned him.

I lift my hand. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

“I didn’t need you.” Ty hides his face against the mattress. “I don’t need you.”

“But what if I need you?”

The muscles in his back and shoulders twitch and tense like he’s trying to stop himself from attacking me or reaching for me. “You don’t.”

“You’re wrong.” I lower my hand to Tyler’s shoulder again, and this time I leave it there, firm, deep pressure that says, I’m here.

He stills before my eyes, comforted by me no matter how much he wants to deny it.

“I don’t want an omega if I can’t have you, Ty. If you want to go after Elliott, and that’s what you both want, then you have my blessing. But I don’t want him without you. I don’t want anyone without you.”

“Alden, shut the hell up.”

“No.” I lift my hand, but only to take off my shirt.

He rolls onto his side, watching me shrewdly. The bruises under his eyes break my heart even more and reaffirm that I need to take care of him. I’m sure if he had more energy, he’d try to leave me right now to avoid this conversation, but he needs me and he knows it.

I dip my thumbs inside the front of my basketball shorts. I wait, searching his face for some sign of disgust, a demand to stop, but his eyes only drop to my erection, to the precum staining the blue fabric. He licks his lips absently. Subconsciously, probably. Otherwise, he would have hidden his desire. Not that it would matter when I can scent it on him.

“You asked me to choose you last year and I did. I broke up with Niall for you. I fucking chose you, and then you were too scared to choose me in the daylight when your rut passed. I chose you then, and I’m choosing you now, and I need you to choose me too.”

“I don’t want to choose you.”

“Bullshit. You love me so much you did this to yourself. You’re torturing yourself just so I could be happy. But if you want me to be happy, you need to be happy with me, because I’m never going to be happy when you’re miserable. I’m never going to be happy without you.

“You think your rut changes you into someone you’re not. You think your hormones tell you who you want. But I think we’re the most honest when we’re in a rut. I don’t think hormones cloud our vision. I think they give us a clear picture of what we need, free from our thoughts, and fears.”

“It doesn’t matter what you think. It’s science. It just is.”

“Science is an excuse. You said it yourself when you pitched your research project to my parents. Omegaverse dynamics are a neglected field of study. We’re all just working off a best guess based on the limited research we have. There’s so much more to discover.”

“Alden…”

“Ty…” I parrot back. “When I’m in a rut, I don’t feel like a stranger to myself. I know exactly what I want. And when you’re in a rut, you’re not a stranger to me. I see you now. Do you see me?”