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I feel him coming to the side of the bed. I can’t see him, but I can feel the tension in the air. The processing of the confession. Silence stretches between us before I finally break.

“I fucked up, Jac. So, so badly,” I almost choke out.

“I know,” he whispers.

“I don’t want to be like this. I never wanted to be like this.”

Wetness gathers inside my eyes, the events of the last few days crashing into me.

“I’m sorry I never listened when you said the pills didn’t help.” His voice is so quiet, I can barely hear it. “Just so you know, I don’t know if I could carry on without you in this world. I was terrified.”

My throat tightens painfully. I reach out towards him despite the pain in my shoulder and squeeze his forearm.

“I’m glad you’re still alive, you nutcase.” His voice is tight.

“How do I fix it, Jac?” Tear after tear slides down my cheek, leaving a trail of tiny pinpricks of pain on my face as they fall. “Is she still here?”

I wouldn’t blame her if she wasn’t. She should’ve run far, far away the second my eyes met hers.

“Yeah.” A soft voice floats into the room with a small crack. My eyes ping open, my gaze immediately searching for hers.

It’s fucking blurry, but there she is, standing timidly in the doorway, wearing a hoodie that’s way too big for her and a pair of leggings—as she usually does.

My hoodie.

“I’ll leave you to it,” Jacques announces before exiting the room. Camila moves to the side of the door, letting him pass.

She stands there for a few minutes, looking around the room like she doesn’t know what to do with herself. And neither do I. I’m swallowing past the lumps in my throat. I can’t find the words. I don’t have any.

I tried to find Luke for her. Free her of him and me. And here I fucking am. She’s looking right at me, and she’s probably thinking about everything I’ve done to her over the last few months.

I wish she’d shot me when she had the chance.

Suddenly, she moves and sits on the chair next to me.

I’m not sure anymore if the hazy vision is from the bruising or the tears that won’t stop coming. Our gazes are locked on each other’s.

“I’m so sorry, Xander.”

I blink, her face suddenly becoming clear.

“I’m so sorry about everything that happened to you.”

I blink away. “Jacques told you, didn’t he?”

I can see her nodding in the corner of my vision. “I had to ask him, Xander. I needed to understand.”

“I didn’t understand it myself.”

“You didn’t?” she asks, surprise lacing her voice.

“I never have. It’s a part of me that I’ve been chained to my entire life. It seems like it has no explanation. It just…”

More silence.

“I’m sorry I failed you, Angel. I tried to find him. For days.”

She inhales sharply, as if she’s holding back tears. “I’m sorry for what I said.”