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“I need a defib.”

“Ma’am, are you okay?”

“Call the police.”

“Everyone out.”

“I’m Officer Axel Bailey. My team are on their way. No need to worry.”

“We’re losing him.”

Chapter 58

Camila

Iwish I had more time.

More time to love him.

More time to make him feel loved.

Just like he was supposed to.

The sterile smell of the hospital is potent in my nose.

It’s evening now. Xander’s still on that operating table.

“Luckily it wasn’t a major fracture. We’ll see you back here in six weeks for another x-ray. Are you sure you’re not hurt anywhere else?” The doctor that took me away from Xander’s operating room—who has been fussing about my arm since—double-checks.

I shake my head. Apart from the fact that my heart feels like it's missing out of my chest… Yeah, fine.

He places my forearm—that’s now wrapped in a white cast—back on my lap.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it. Call if you need anything.” The doctor leaves the sectioned-off area with a blue curtain that only houses a bed and one small chair. Silence falls between me and Jacques, aside from the low sounds of hospital havoc. I’ve been staring at a switched-off heart monitor to the side of the bed the entire time, as if that would keep Xander’s heart beating.

Jac cuts through the silence. “Estella is a great surgeon; she’ll do the best she can.” I twist in his direction from the bed. He’s leaning forward in the chair, eyes cast to the floor. It’s the worst I’ve seen him since the night Xander went missing. Gone is the usual cheery Jacques.

“He’ll make it through this,” he tries to reassure, probably himself as much as me. He looks at me, promises that he can’t keep written on his face. I appreciate the determination and the words of encouragement, but until we see Xander, I can’t find it in me to believe him.

I turn towards the monitor again, mentally counting the seconds he spends in that operating room.

I feel numb. Like I’m not quite here in the room. Wishing it was me instead of him.

“I’m sorry,” are the first words I say in hours, and I feel like this is about to trigger the floodgates again. “It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have got you involved in this mess.”

“It’s not your fault, Cam,” he replies softly.

“It is!” I snap. “If I hadn’t got you tangled in my mess with Luke… If I hadn’t rung you…”

“They would’ve got to us anyway. She was after him from the moment we bought that club.”

I let out a sarcastic laugh. “I just wish… I wish that I had more time.” Tears start streaming down my face at that. I will never see him again. I will never see his cocky grin when he notices that I’m staring at him. I will never be pestered over being kept safe again. He needed time. He needed time to heal from the trauma his mother caused him. I wanted so badly to do it together… and now… we’ll never have that time.

I was too late. If only I’d stopped denying myself the intense form of love he was giving me, maybe this would’ve ended differently. I fucked everything up, and now I don’t know how to live without him. There’s not a scenario I can imagine where he’s not a part of my life.

“I just wish the crazy bastard took his medication.”

I snap my gaze to Jacques. He’s right, but…