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This is a two-way street. If I’m about to share my life with him, I want to know about him first. And not just the criminal side of him.
He freezes. His entire body tenses, but his grip on my leg remains gentle.
“My… mother…” he spits the last word out like he just ate something disgusting. “She never cared about me. She didn’t care if I lived or died. She didn’t care if I had any food to eat during the day.”
He places the other shoe next to the last, and his shoulders slump as he keeps his gaze off mine. He’s being vulnerable. And I’m not sure that this is familiar territory to him, just like it isn’t to me.
“Everything a mother was supposed to be, she wasn’t. I don’t remember a single day where she looked at me with anything other than hate. Just… pure hate.”
His confession constricts my throat so tight that it becomes hard to swallow.
Not only because I don’t know how a mother could hate her own child, but also because my mum was my best friend. Everything I know about love comes from her. But Xander was rejected every day.
“I’m so sorry, Xander,” I whisper, gently placing my hands on either side of his prickly jaw and guiding his head up to face me. His eyes are lined with silver, which takes me aback, but I keep my face schooled. “You deserved so much more than that.” I manage through the tightness in my throat. And seeing his baby blue, glassy eyes almost sets my own off again.
“Don’t cry for me,” he hushes, taking my own face in his hands. “She’s dead and gone.”
He nods, like he’s confirming something to himself.
“Are you hurt?” he asks, smoothing his hands over my thighs. It’s an act of making sure I’m okay, but having his hands on me… has me thinking things I probably shouldn’t. Once again, my broken mind takes me to the only place that gives me control.
“No.” I shake my head.
“What happened?”
“I-I went to find you… I didn’t want to be alone. I got to the dressing room, grabbed my phone, and he was there.” I pause as my mind relives the encounter and shiver. “He knocked the gun out of my hands and told me if I didn’t come with him, he’d—” I stop and swallow.
“You don’t need to say anything more, Angel.”
“Xander, I was so scared.”
“I know, baby.” He wraps his arms around my waist and looks up at me. “You’re okay now. No one will ever hurt you again. I promise you that.”
I swallow, remembering that I still haven’t told him about Luke. As if he’s reading my thoughts, his eyes darken. But before he can say anything, I manage to speak. “He’s my ex.”
That was all I needed to say for Xander’s face to turn into murderous rage.
“But it’s— It’s nothing compared to what you’ve been through with your mother.”
He recoils. “How can you even say that?”
“It’s true.”
He shoots up, grabbing my face in his hands, bringing his forehead to mine. “Never think what you've been through is any less than mine.”
Xander’s hand travels down to my neck, massaging as he goes along, like he’s making sure that I’m real.
I feel a tear slip down my cheek. Xander’s breath fans over my face as he breathes me in.
And right now, we feel like two sad souls, looking for comfort in each other's darkness.
Chapter 29
Xander
Iwatch as tears slide down my Angel's face. I know I didn’t cause those tears this time, but fuck, I wish there was a way that I could erase her sadness.
There’s a type of rage building inside of me that I’ve never felt before. Watching her lose herself to her mind broke me.
