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“You don’t need to get into fights for me.” Because he doesn’t. “It’s not fair.”

“I killed for you. For us.” He huffs a laugh when he corrects himself. “I put myself on the line for you, Jordie. You may hate me, but I have never stopped loving you. I won’t ever stop. You are it for me. There’s no one else. If it means I spend the rest of my life protecting you while you hate me, so be it.”

My throat constricts as I resume cleansing his wounds. The confessions are tumbling out of him too fast for me to truly hear what he’s saying.

He hisses again and I pull away. “Why? Why do you want to be hurt?”

“Because without it, I feel numb,” he rushes out. “It’s all I’ve been doing these past few years. Numbing my brain with drugs because I didn’t want to let myself think about what was happening to you. Every time I did, I’d spiral, I’d lose sight of what I’m still here for. You. And I don’t want to feel numb anymore. Not at your hands. Letting myself be hurt by you has become the drug I can’t live without now.”

It feels like there’s a million invisible, Kain-shaped hands squeezing at my chest. A lump of guilt threatening to choke me.

“Lacey is gone.”

“W-what?”

“I know what she did to you.” Those words land like a cannon ball in the ocean. His hands tighten on my waist like he’s scared I’m about to run.

“But she—you—”

“I know what she did to me, too. But this—I couldn’t let her live knowing what she did to you.” He turns his head towards his room. I follow his line of sight, and there, lit up by the moon like something precious is a gun.

My eyes bounce between the gun and the jacket.

The jacket and the gun.

I land on his eyes again, getting lost in the chasm that is Kain Westbrook and his absolute love for me.

“I’m sorry. For what I did in the shower that night. It was because—”

He stops me. “I know. But know this, little devil. I’m thankful I was your outlet for that.”

He’s insane.

“You made me forget what she did. Every time.” He swallows hard and so do I because he’s been the same safe haven for me. “So hurt me, Jordie. Let all your emotions spill out on me. I will take every damn papercut from you, as long as you’re here with me.” His eyes search mine. “I love you, Jordan.”

I toss the towel in the bath and grip his face, smashing my lips to his. Warm, metallic taste floods my tongue as I swipe it forward, massaging his tongue with mine, and he whimpers.

He fucking whimpers.

His hands desperately grasp the front of my shit, pulling it down over my breasts, exposing them to the cool air. ‘Rain’ by Sleep Token starts through the speakers in his room as he begins kissing his way down my neck, arousal quickly gathering in the silk of my shorts.

“You kissed me,” he pants.

“I did.”

“Kiss me again.”

And I do, tangling my hands in his hair, the other wrapping around his neck in desperation before he begins kissing down my neck. The small metal ball on his tongue glides effortlessly down my skin as he licks towards my breasts and takes one in his hand, running his hot tongue over the sensitive peak, making me moan. His other hand cups and kneads my ass, dragging me closer into him as he licks and sucks on my nipple. That fucking tongue bar. It heightens every sensation by a thousand. My pussy pulses as his now free hand hooks into the hem at the front of my shorts and his hand tauntingly trails down towards my centre. He stops just above my clit and adds pressure, causing my nerves to zap pleasure into that rapidly aching spot.

“Tell me to stop,” he mumbles over my nipple.

I should. I should tell him to stop. But I need him right now. I’m desperate for him.

Save me from my fucking torment. Save me from myself, my chaos.

“They’ll find out you killed her.”

“I don’t fucking care.” His teeth drag my nipple gently.