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Just to make sure she’s all right.

It’s all I can do.

Chapter Thirty-One

June

“All I’m saying is, maybe a mountain-climbing adventure isn’t the best idea for you guys.” Emily throws me a look of complete panic like she wants me to back her up. One problem. I haven’t really been paying attention.

“You’re always looking at the worst-case scenario,” Mom chides, shaking her head at my sister. She then looks my way, hoping for backup. “What do you think?” she asks.

Right now, I think the aroma of the fish she’s grilling for dinner is going to make me hurl all over the kitchen table. “I don’t know,” I hedge while Emily glares at me from behind Mom.

She heaves a sigh. “Mom, can we be realistic for a second? I’m only worried about you and Dad, and with his heart problems and your complete lack of coordination, do you really think either of you have any business climbing mountains?”

“She’s probably right,” I offer, since it’s either that or get my head ripped off later.

Mom scowls at me from behind a pair of thick-rimmed glasses that make her eyes look huge. “You’re one to talk. You disappear for ages on a little adventure of your own, and you’re going to deny your dad and me?”

Obviously, I couldn’t tell them everything that happened, so I twisted the truth and told them I met a guy and we had a wild fling. They were worried sick about me, and I know I’m lucky to have a family who genuinely cares. That doesn’t mean they won’t hold it over my head for as long as they can.

“That was an entire month ago.” A month. Has it really been a month since I said goodbye to Adrian at the airport?

Up until the very last second, I hoped he would ask me to stay.

Okay, as long as I’m being honest, I sort of hoped he would force me to stay. Like he would throw me over his shoulder and march out of the airport and we would never look back. Despite setting the “no feelings” ground rule, I had still clung to the hope of him being my knight in shining armor forever. And I have nobody to blame but myself when I sit here feeling alone, even in my childhood home, a place where I’m lucky enough to only ever feel loved.

Could I have left all this behind? As much as I love my family, if Adrian asked in those last breathless moments, I think I might’ve kissed my life goodbye. Let them think I died, even though I’d miss them and hate hurting them. Which is why I guess it’s a very good thing he didn’t ask me to stay. I have to remember that.

Mom and Emily exchange withering looks. “Oh, I forgot,” Mom says, clicking her tongue. “There’s a statute of limitations on scaring your family half to death.”

I hate hearing that. I really need to get my head screwed on straight and remember who I am. Adrian was a brief, if dramatic, chapter in the larger story of my life. That’s all he can ever be. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

“How’s it going in here?” Dad strolls in, finished with his puttering around in the garage. He likes to do that most when he’s trying to avoid getting caught up in the middle of an argument, meaning he ducked out as soon as Mom announced their plans for their next trip.

And, of course, Emily knows that. “Nice try,” she tells him with a smirk. “Do you really think trekking through the mountains is a great idea? With your blood pressure and circulation issues?”

Dad eyes me. “I liked it better when she was just worried about you.”

“I’m not sure how to take that,” I reply.

“You know, we could take that cruise we were looking at too,” Dad suggests to Mom. My thoughts drift away again while he and Emily try to convince Mom to get on a boat instead of pretending to be athletic in any way. The idea is ridiculous, one of those bucket list things, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m sitting on the outside, watching the three of them perform a dance I can’t remember the steps to. This is my family. The people who know me best. I shouldn’t feel this sense of disconnect.

Just like I shouldn’t feel this yearning for something I can’t have. Adrian is not my future. We are not meant to be. I can’t just write us into a happy ending. All barriers broken down, all misunderstandings straightened out. I live in the real world, unfortunately, which means nursing my stupid, wounded heart and pretending things are better than they are.

“Just make me a promise,” Mom urges as we sit down around the table once dinner is ready. “Don’t do anything crazy while we are gone. I don’t want to have to beg anybody to turn the cruise ship around so we can come home.”

I flake off a piece of my salmon, forcing a cheerful smile. “I’ll do my best. So long as you don’t do something like falling overboard or going on an excursion and not making it back to the ship on time.”

My notoriously late mother looks at Dad, eyes wide. “Is that a thing? They can just leave you if you don’t make it in time?”

Good. That should keep everybody nice and occupied for the rest of the meal. I can sit in peace, wondering how long it will take before life starts to feel normal again.

Whether it will ever feel normal. Whether I want to go back to who I was before. Not like my life was bad or anything. I was just sheltered. Afraid. Now I know I can be strong when I have to be. I know I can survive more than I ever thought possible.

And I’m supposed to go back to sitting alone in my writing cave day after day, imagining exciting adventures for my characters but never doing that myself? And I’m supposed to do it all without Adrian?

“Oh, goodness. Why do you look so sad, sweetheart?” When I look up from my plate, it’s in time to see Mom’s eyes starting to tear. “You know I can’t stand to see either of my babies hurting.”