Page 12

Reunion

Leaf stubbed out his cigarette in the sand bucket by the entrance and stumbled through the doorway into the Redwood. Just in time, he caught himself on the door and squeezed his eyes shut for a second to stop the dizziness.

“My goodness,” Andrej groaned. “I can’t believe I let you drive yourself.”

Leaf rubbed his eyes, glanced back at the ominous threshold, and then at Andrej. Andrej shook his head incredulously. “Come on,” he said, pulling Leaf by the arm into the bar.

After three steps, Leaf wriggled out of his grip and turned longingly toward the entrance. The cocaine’s effects were already wearing off. Mixed with raw nervousness, the trembling returned to his hands. It wouldn’t be long before he couldn’t pretend to be normal anymore.

“The others are waiting.”

With a reluctant sigh, he followed Andrej past the counter into the back of the bar. As the words echoed in his head like a mantra, a sudden cold shiver ran down his spine.

The others?

Tris?

His body froze. Just the thought of him threw Leaf off balance, and he nervously chewed on his lower lip.

“What’s wrong?” Andrej asked as they passed between two tables. “Are you having a panic attack?”

Leaf would have preferred to turn on his heel and leave the bar right away. But there was also this deep-seated desire to see Tristan. He had to see him. Had to make sure it was really him. Alive and well.

Carol’s choice of the Redwood for their meeting caught Leaf off guard. Doesn’t she know what kind of place this is? The L.A. Times building was just around the corner, and it was widely known that journalists frequented this spot. The bright red phone with a direct line to the newsroom still hung next to the entrance. At least they cut off the line. Leaf also gratefully noted that they were the only guests.

He followed Andrej past the wooden posts wrapped in thick ropes, tilting his head to avoid being blinded by the glaring red light. The decor was mostly dark wood and reminded him of a pirate bar.

“What the hell was that?” he heard Carol exclaim. “First, you disappear, and then we find you in a clinic. If you’re going to kill yourself, then do it properly and don’t keep us in the dark!”

“Damn it!” José gritted his teeth. “Calm down, Carol!”

“We held a damn audition because we thought you’d never come back,” she continued to rant. “I’ve aged ten years. I got wrinkles! For fuck’s sake!”

As Andrej stepped aside, Leaf watched as Carol wrapped her arms around Tristan’s neck and hugged him tightly.

“God! I’m so glad you’re still here. So glad! Come on! Let’s sit down.”

“Hey, guys!” Andrej raised his hand in greeting.

Leaf felt like he was turning to stone on the spot. The blood in his veins seemed to freeze in shock. He could only see Tristan, who turned to face them, and in that beautiful face, he discerned so many emotions at once.

Joy. Grief. Shock. Horror. Longing. Love.

Leaf swallowed hard, not even noticing how the others greeted each other. The moment between him and Tristan felt like it lasted forever. When Andrej greeted Tristan, Tristan forced a smile and hugged the bassist in friendship.

Leaf barely managed to stay upright. The dizziness was gone, but the blood roared in his head like a thunderstorm. That was good because as long as his pulse raced like that, at least he wouldn’t faint. It was better to feel like a hunted animal than to have a circulation that could fail at any moment.

His emotions were also overflowing. A stabbing pain spread in his chest. His love for Tristan had been banging against the walls for weeks, and now, everything threatened to collapse.

He had locked away his feelings deep inside because they were no longer good for him. He couldn’t love Tristan anymore, at least not in the same way. This realization was choking him again; everything about Tristan drew him like a magnet.

His black locks were tousled in all directions. In his dark eyes, there was a longing and the deep pain of an infinite universe. His whole being cried out for comfort, for relief. Yet, Tristan stood fearless before him. Fearless as always, but Leaf knew Tristan was scared. It was evident in the way he licked his lips and the way his lower eyelids twitched like a suspicious cat or when he furrowed his brows slightly. When Tristan awkwardly scratched his elbow, Leaf noticed the bandage on his right forearm.

Sadness washed over Leaf, and his gaze blurred. Even if he had nothing to do with Tristan’s accident, he knew it was all his fault.

“Leaf.”

One word, and Leaf knew Tristan was looking right through him. His name was a painful reminder of his relapse. Tristan’s sorrowful expression and hesitant approach said it all. Tentatively, Tristan reached out, but Leaf turned his head away, suppressing tears of remorse.