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A frown pinched Brinley’s brow. “Oh, there’s no question that man loves you, Lena. It’s right there, written all over him.”

Hurt bottled in my chest. “He told me we can’t happen.”

“He probably actually believes that. With the oath he took⁠—”

Anger surged. “That stupid, ridiculous oath.”

Brinley blew out the heaviness. “I don’t think it’s considered ridiculous to the Crows, Elena. Their oath is to death.”

My head shook. “Silas wouldn’t.”

Would he?

“Trevan is charged with your care, and he’s literally forbidden to touch you.” Emphasis filled her words before she heaved out irritation. “That rule has to go, and I’m going to make sure that it does. But it might take a minute for your brother to catch up to it. And I can’t imagine the kind of guilt and shame Trevan would feel at breaking it. At going behind your brother’s back after the commitment he made.”

“It’s my choice, and it should be Trevan’s choice, but I’m not sure that Trevan is willing to take that risk on me. And I refuse to be somebody’s sin.”

It felt like a truth bomb had been dropped on my consciousness. Realization hit me square in the chest.

I refused to be something that he was ashamed of. That he carried like guilt.

“I won’t be a secret or secondary,” I whispered.

I’d thought maybe he and I were making progress. That he was finally going to show me what he really felt.

But the way he jumped back from me when Silas came through the door was soaked in shame.

Brinley reached out and squeezed my hand. “That’s right. You shouldn’t have to hide. I think you just need to give your brother a bit of time. It took a lot for him to let you leave the compound, especially with this monster Shayne running around town. He spends his nights pacing, worried about you. And I’m not making excuses. It’s just a lot for one person to process, but he is moving in the right direction.”

“Only because you’re forcing him to go that way.” I attempted to add some lightness into it.

She gave a salacious grin and shrug of her shoulder. “I like to think of myself as a positive influence.”

I gave her an exaggerated roll of my eyes. “Oh, I’m pretty sure you’ve influenced that man. Night and day.”

Brinley giggled. No embarrassment about it. “It takes off the stress, and God knows, he needs it.”

Severity took over her expression. “But is this truly the life you want, Elena? This is your chance to leave it.”

She said it with encouragement and a warning.

Tying myself to Trevan the way that I wanted to would solidify it. Multiply the risk.

It was a life she’d just chosen for herself.

Because the sacrifices required were significant. The fear that always lingered beneath the surface. Her dread that something horrible might happen to Silas never truly abated. The truth that he could end up dead or behind bars, the same as she could since she’d become an intrinsic part of Crimson Crows’ objective.

Their lives infested with hazard and risk.

Just like right then.

My brothers gone. Trevan gone. Along with the rest of the Crows. Riding off to cut down the corrupt.

“This is my life,” I whispered vehemently. “I’ve been a part of it from the beginning, and I don’t want anything else. And I need Trevan to fully see me as his.”

Her brow arched as a bit of teasing wound into her demeanor. “I’m pretty sure if you and Trevan ‘almost’ had sex, the man thinks of you as his. What does that mean, anyway?”

Groaning, I propped my elbows on the table and buried my face in my hands. “Like we were pretty much naked and he was right there…”