Page 57

Oh, God.

Chapter 21

Noah

Idon’t even remember deciding to knock. One second, I’m staring at the clock on my phone—01:11, 01:12, 01:13—the next I’m in the hallway, hoodie unzipped over a T-shirt, socks cold on the carpet, heart trying to kick through my ribs. I’ve spent an entire day pacing grooves into my apartment floor, promising myself I’ll be reasonable, that I’ll let it pass, that I’ll be the version of me who can swallow things whole. That version doesn’t exist. Not tonight.

The door cracks open a hand’s width, then swings wider, and she’s there—flushed, hair messed up, her bedsheet knotted tight under her arms like she hauled it up in a hurry. The sight alone makes my mouth go dry, and every single line I’d rehearsed lifts off my tongue and drifts away like fog.

“Yes, Noah?”

Shit.

“If you—” My voice breaks—off to a great start. “If you tell me to go, I’ll go.”

“You shouldn’t be here,” she says, eyes flicking down the hall, then back to me.

“That isn’t what I said.” My fingers flex uselessly at my sides. “Tell me to go.”

“Noah—”

“I know you’re capable of speaking your mind,” I push, even though my stomach is roiling and my nerves are fried. “It’s what you do best. So go on. Say it.”

Her mouth presses tight as she shifts the sheet higher. “Noah…”

“Say it. Say the words...”

She blows out a heavy breath. “We agreed. If it got too much, we would back the hell off.”

Why won’t she just tell me to go?!

“I’m coming in,” I say, because if I stay in the doorway, I’ll lose my nerve or my lungs. I edge past and she moves with me on instinct, swinging the door shut with a bump of her hip.

“What are you doing?” she snaps.

I turn to face her. “What I’m doing,” I say, trying to keep my voice from shaking and failing in my throat, “is saying screw HR, screw my job. I don’t care about any of it.”

Her head jerks back like I shoved her. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means exactly what I’m saying.”

“How reckless can you get?” She takes a step toward me, fingers twisting in the sheet. “Are you insane? Do you even hear yourself? You’d torch your job—your entire career—for what—this?” She gestures at the two of us in her dim living room, at the mess we’ve made of ourselves. “Some pussy from your neighbor?”

I suck in a sharp breath, fists clenching at my sides. Did she really just take her own worth and slap a cheap sticker over it?

“No.” The word comes out far too quiet. “Don’t do that. Don’t make it small so I don’t jump. It’s not some— It’s not—” The stutter catches my tongue and burns there. I push through it. “It’s you.”

“That isn’t any better, Noah. What do you want from me? You can’t come in here and announce you’re willing to burn down your life and expect me to clap.”

I shake my head quickly. “I didn’t ask you to clap. I asked you to tell me to go if you want me gone.”

Her eyes flick to the door. “That isn’t fair.”

“Yes, it is. Make the call and I’ll live it,” I manage, voice trembling. “Tell me to go and I’m gone. Right now. Out the door. Distance at the office, no talking—whatever you want.”

She stares at me for a minute before a half-disbelieving laugh shoots out of her chest. “You’re fucking delusional.”

I look up at her, heat flooding every vein. “Yeah. I know.” I swallow, steadying myself with a deep breath. “But I want you. And you aren’t giving me a straight answer.”