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I leave no room for debate. What would he even get out of this? I’d rather not have him offer sex because he feels bad for me. I’ll pass on the pity sex. I’m hot. It won’t be too hard to find men. It’s just a matter of finding the right men.

That’s the terrifying part.

The more terrifying part is the act of actually dating. I really don’t have enough time to find the right guy. I’ve delayed writing this book long enough.

“Why not? Wouldn’t it be better with someone you know to help you?” It would. I get a little nervous meeting men. Also, what if they are horrified if I tell them to spank me? Or worse, what if they go overboard? That would be traumatizing.

“Besides sex. How would this even benefit you?”

He hesitates. “By making sure you don’t go sleeping with random men who aren’t safe.” See? He’s trying to give me pity, safe sex. Hard pass on that.

“No. I don’t want pity sex. Go play with one of your girl toys.”

Despite my best efforts, I start to imagine how he looked naked. He treats his body like a temple. Always conscious of what he eats since his job as a football player requires him to stay fit.

I run my eyes over him, taking in his appearance. He recently got a haircut and cut off all his curls, opting for a low fade. His goatee is trimmed perfectly, surrounding his soft lips. Normally I don’t go for men with those types of beards, but he makes it work. Plus, it doesn’t cover those beautiful dimples of his.

I continue my journey to his arms, where his sleeve tattoo is. I’ve always wanted tattoos but am too scared of the pain. Piercings I can do. I have plenty from a nose ring to belly button piercing, and a lot of ear piercings. There is a piercing I got recently two months ago. No one has seen it yet. And many will not.

He crosses his arms. “Fine. Your loss.”

I smile at his disappointment. “Must suck to be best friends with a woman who doesn’t want you.”

He smirks, leans in closer to me, and whispers, “If I wanted you to want me, you’d be on your knees already. I’m that good.”

My mouth drops, but I quickly get my wits back and narrow my eyes. He takes pleasure in messing with me. “It’ll be a cold day in hell, Cross. Stop fucking around.”

He laughs. “Whatever, JJ. Let me drop you home. I got practice in the morning.” We head out of the gym towards his Porsche. He bought me the same car, but mine is black while his is white.

One of the benefits of being besties with a millionaire who also considers you to be his only family—he spends unnecessary money on me all the time on stuff I didn’t ask for.

He won’t allow me to return anything either.

I peek a glance at him. There’s something about a man driving that is so delicious. Is it the way their hands grip the steering wheel? The veins slightly popping, causing thoughts of where else his hands could be. Or is it the calm and collected energy they radiate? Either way, it’s hot.

Goddamn it, Josephine.

Stop thinking of him that way. I have survived this many years without crossing the line, and I’m not doing it anytime soon.

“Tell me more about your plan to get your creative juices flowing to write a porn book.”

“Romance book,” I correct him.

“Romance porn,” he replies. He could go back and forth all day. One of us needs to be a responsible adult and move on.

“I have about a month to get my brain juices flowing. After that, I need to start writing to be on track to finish the book. For this month, I want to go on dates and have intense, crazy sex. To ensure I’m successful, I made a list,” I say as I grab my phone out of my pocket and pull up the list.

Immediately he snatches it out of my hand, and I let out a ‘Hey!’ to which he ignores.

“Spanked, choked, called degrading names during sex, tied-up, praised, sex in a public place,” he pauses, “lose my anal virginity.” At that, he throws my phone on my lap and tightens his grip on the steering wheel.

I pick up my phone from my lap and look at the list with a smile. “I think it’ll be a fun month of research.”

He looks at me from the corner of his eyes. “Only you would call losing your anal virginity ‘research’.”

I scrunch my eyebrows. “If I’m doing all this for my book, is it not ‘research’?”

He stares at me and then shakes his head. “JJ, you are amazing.”