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“Only when you are here, as a matter of fact.” Hannah’s smile wavered. “She is young, and just because I wish to hear what happened to you, that does not mean it is something she should hear.”

“Your sensitivity to her feelings is admirable,” Samuel said. “And I would wish you to know that I will employ a similar approach. For your sake, I will not dwell on the gruesome or grim aspects of my experience.”

Sympathy filled her hazel eyes. “It was both those things, I’m sure.”

“It was. And though I miss being at sea, I would never wish to return to the battles we fought.”

“So you lost your ear in battle?”

“I did.” He sighed. “We were fired upon by an American ship. It was the early hours of the morning, and the darkness made the battle and the chaos all the more intense. I was assisting one of the young sailors down from the rigging on the mainmast when the Americans’ guns splintered the foremast. Wood flew in every direction, most raining down upon the deck. One particularly jagged piece caught the side of my head.” He gave a hollow smile. “I remember the searing pain, but I did not realize the debris had cut a portion of my ear clean off until I reached the deck.”

He had bled excessively, and the pain and ringing in his ear had gone from bad to worse. But he’d been so focused on saving men, on saving the ship, that he’d paid no heed to any of those things until the Swan’s guns had hit the American ship’s hull and the vessel had listed and started taking on water. Only then, when the imminent danger to those aboard the HMS Swan had passed, had he dropped to the deck too weak to move farther.

“You could have died,” Hannah whispered. “If the wood had hit you more squarely on the head or the wound had become infected or . . .” Her words trailed off. “How many members of your crew were lost that day?”

“Five, including the captain.”

Her arm crossed the distance between them to touch his hand. “I am sorry.”

Samuel reacted instinctively, curving his fingers around hers as the memories of that dark period assaulted him.

“For the first several days after the battle, I was scarcely aware of what happened,” he said. “My hearing had been affected, and with so many other wounded men to tend to, the surgeon had no time to discuss what was occurring beyond the small cabin where I lay.”

“I had not noticed you had any hearing impairment,” she said.

“Thankfully, over time, the ringing in my ear improved.”

“I am glad,” she said simply. “And I am doubly glad that you recovered your full strength.”

“As am I, though it took longer than I would have wished. Then again, our return to England without a foremast took much longer than everyone would have wished also.”

“But if your hearing returned by the time you made land, why did you leave your ship?”

It was almost exactly the same question Clarke had asked when he’d first met him at the Brown Bear. And though Samuel wished it were otherwise, it was unlikely to be the last time the question would be broached.

“Captain Lund and I were very close,” he said. “The first lieutenant and I were not. When the first lieutenant was elevated to the position of captain, he chose to appoint another as boatswain, and by citing my hearing loss as his reason on the Admiralty’s paperwork, my forced retirement from the Royal Navy was assured.”

She stared at him. “But that’s not right.”

“No. But I learned long ago that a change is also a new chance.”

“A new chance for what?”

“For whatever we make of it,” he said.

Slowly, dare he hope, reluctantly, she slipped her fingers from his and clasped her hands in her lap.

“You make it sound easy,” she said. “I have been trying to affect a change in my way of thinking for almost a week, and I am finding that erasing a mindset twelve years in the making is one of the hardest things I have ever done.”

“If I gave you the impression that I consider change a simple matter, I must correct it immediately,” he said. “I would never claim that change is easy. I still cannot think on the loss of Captain Lund and my life at sea without deep sadness. But I have reached a point where I can see a new way forward, and that gives me hope for the future. If you had spoken to me at the wharf when my removal from HMS Swan was still fresh and raw, however, I would have been hard-pressed to express gratitude for change or a new chance.”

Hannah’s eyes widened. “The sailor!” She gasped. “All this time, I have wondered why you seemed so familiar. I saw you on the wharf when I was overseeing the unloading of my father’s cargo.”

“Yes.” Samuel paused. He needed to say more. This was the opening he’d been waiting for. He’d been handed a perfect opportunity to tell her when their first meeting had truly taken place.

But before he could formulate the painful confession, Hannah continued. “I did not realize your transfer from navy life was so recent. How did you come to join the Bow Street office so quickly?”

“I was very fortunate. Sir John Fielding and I were already acquainted.” It was true, but his response painted him in a far better light than he deserved. He clenched his fists. No matter the consequence for him or his attendance at Lady Telford’s ball, he needed to correct Hannah’s view of him. Garnering his courage, he cleared his throat. “Our relationship is not what you likely imagine, however. When I was young, I—”