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He shakes his head. “Nah. He kind of scares me, I’m not going to lie.”

I snort. “Understandable.”

“I was just curious. He’s mysterious.”

“Landon doesn’t date. I don’t think he does, anyway.” Killian’s not wrong; my brother is frustratingly mysterious, and he’s only gotten more so as we’ve gotten older. “I always suspected he had a thing with someone when we were teenagers. I don’t know who, and he never talked about it, but I don’t think it ended well, and he hasn’t dated since.”

“Shit.”

“He’ll find someone when the time is right. He seems happy with the farm.”

“What about you? Did you ever date after my dad?” Unlike Dom’s, Killian’s voice is judgment-free.

“I wouldn’t necessarily call what me and your dad did ‘dating’, but no, definitely not. I don’t have time and even if I did, the thought of trusting someone enough to be around my kids … I don’t know if I could. Maybe when they’re older,” I say, but it’s not like there are a lot of opportunities to meet people in a town like this. “What about you?” I know Piper looked him up online and found out he hasn’t dated in a while, but he doesn’t seem like someone who shares every detail of his life online.

“I haven’t really made dating a priority, to be honest,” Killian answers with a shrug. “It’s not like there’s anything missing from my life. I have my siblings. I have my family. And now I have you guys, so I’m not sure what else I could need. Maybe a dog,” he muses. “Or a horse. That would really make me popular with Cait.”

“You’re plenty popular with her,” I reply, laughing, though I love that that was his first thought. It’s true that he has a good group of people around him—I do, too. And it’s enough. More than enough. But I can’t pretend I’m not lonely sometimes. “I think … I think it would be nice to have a person that was your person. You know what I mean? It’s like you said the other day—right now, for the kids, I’m their whole world and they’re mine, but one day I won’t be their whole world anymore. I won’t be anyone’s.”

“You’re only twenty-six, Scar. You got plenty of time.” His eyes are as soft as his voice, and I have to look away, because it feels like he’s seeing right through me.

“That’s true. It’s just hard to imagine trusting anyone like that.” There’s no need to add “again”, when we both know his dad is the reason.

“I don’t think anyone could blame you for that.”

It’s funny, really, how quickly I’ve learned to trust Killian. It’s more than just seeing him interact with the kids, though that helps. Maybe it was his honesty the day we met, or the fact that he was so willing to fly across the world to stand up for his mom. But trust doesn’t come easily to me, and he swooped right in like my walls weren’t even there.

I stare at my boots, the toes gleaming with melted snow, because it’s easier than looking at him.

“Anyway,” I say, forcing myself to sound a lot cheerier than I feel, “I thought we were supposed to be looking for a Christmas tree.”

13

Scarlett

Killian makes us wait in the car so he can carry the Christmas tree inside and “set up”. I grew up on a farm, and I’m no stranger to seeing people hauling trees around. There’s no reason watching Killian should do anything for me, yet here I am, feeling some incredibly unwelcome feelings toward the first son of my children’s father. Jesus.

“Did you have fun tonight?” I ask, turning around so I can focus on Caitlin and James, and not whatever Killian is doing inside the house. He left the heat on, and it’s toasty warm.

“Yeah,” James says, though I can tell he did from the chocolate smeared all over his face, courtesy of a s’more someone gave him after I’d already wiped the hot chocolate away.

“We always have fun with you, Mama. But it’s extra fun with Killian here,” Caitlin says. “I hope he stays.”

I don’t dare say, “Me too.” But I think it. Which is stupid, because Killian lives on a whole other continent. Even if he did want to stay in Clover Pines—and I can’t imagine he would, considering he has a huge family waiting for him back in Ireland—it’s not as easy as just staying.

I already know it’s going to crush the kids when he leaves. I’m starting to think it’s going to crush me, too. But I have to be okay with it. For them. I have no choice.

Caitlin, at least, is used to her dad leaving. When she was younger, she would cling to him and cry when he said goodbye. On the odd occasion Dom visits now, she just gets quiet. She’s too young to be so used to being left. I have no idea how James is going to take it. He rarely opens up around new people, but he and Killian had a bond from day one.

Unlike his dad, though, I believe that Killian will make every effort to stay in their lives.

“You know Killian can’t stay forever, right?” I say gently, and Caitlin frowns.

“Why not?”

“He’s from a different country, Caity-cat. Moving countries is really difficult, and not always possible. And he has his family in Ireland. I bet they miss him a lot.”

I watch Caitlin mull my words over. “Is Daddy Killian’s family? Is that how they know each other?”