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“Besides the knife in your sock that your hand has made three practice reaches for since I sat down?”

Murder Muppet looks downright annoyed that I caught that.

“But I’m not worried, little nightmare,” I sigh. “Because you know as well as I do that if you kill me, it puts a bit of a damper on the wedding. And that gives Kodra carte blanche to do whatever he wants to you, your family and everyone you care about.”

She glares at me. “Is that a threat?”

“That’s reality, princess. It’s also the same reason I can’t kill you.”

She scoffs. “You wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Trust that I have.” I smile at her. “Vividly.”

Bella’s brows shoot up as a weird smile tugs at her mouth. “You have?” she asks, almost eagerly. “How would you do it?”

I frown deeply. “I have no interest in actually killing you, Bella.”

She snorts. “Bullshit! You have absolutely thought about it! I’m obnoxious and I go out of my way to be an asshole to you.”

Well, at least we’re being honest.

I exhale and roll my eyes. “Regardless of what we think of each other⁠—”

“I can give you a list, if you want?”

“I don’t,” I growl. “Look, no matter how much we piss each other off, there are people we care about. Fucking up this marriage means putting them in danger.”

“The irony of you mansplaining the patriarchal concept of marriage is…” She clucks her teeth .”Chef’s kiss. Really. Beautiful work.”

“If I come off as treating you like someone with brain damage and poor impulse control…” I shrug. “Well, guilty as charged.”

She gives me the finger.

“No killing each other,” I grunt. “No matter how fucking annoying, how meddling, how chaotic⁠—”

“Point made, dickhead,” she mutters.

“Or how fucking psycho the other one might be.”

Her face darkens as she glares at me.

“No one’s saying we need to be friends or even be around each other,” I tell her firmly. “We just need to not murder each other.”

She shrugs. “Fine. But just to be clear, I’m not doing anything remotely wifely.”

“Trust me, zero part of me ever thinks wife material when I look at you.”

Her eyes narrow.

“There are a few wifely duties I happen to be fucking excellent at,” she snarls. “Too bad you and your widdle PP will never get to participate in them.”

I scoff. “I already told you, that’s not going to happen.”

She makes a fake sympathetic pout and lays her hand on my arm. “That’s okay, Lamiano! Lots of men suffer from ED.”

I glare razors at her.

“My dick works just fine, but thanks for the concern.”