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“Oh, I know you aren’t about to tell me to calm down.”
Heat climbed up my neck, burning beneath my skin until I felt like I might combust. My hands curled into fists so tightly my nails bit into my palms.
“Right?” I screamed before climbing out of bed and stalking toward him. “Tell me, since all of a sudden you want to be Chatty Cathy. How much did it hurt the first day after Vanya ran away?”
His jaw tightened.
“The first week? Month?”
He shook his head slowly.
“Year? Shall I continue?”
A tear escaped despite his efforts to stop it.
“Answer me!”
“Bad,” he choked out, his voice barely above a whisper.
His gaze drifted somewhere beyond the bedroom walls. I knew where he’d gone. Back to his childhood bedroom. Where he and Vanya would watch movies and hang out. And how all that was left behind was the empty space she once filled.
“And tell me,” I pressed, refusing to let him hide there, “did it get any better or only worse as the time went on?”
He closed his eyes. When he opened them again, they were glassy.
“Worse,” he admitted hoarsely.
“But I had all of you. You don’t have to walk this alone, Sissy.”
“No-duh. But guess who does, brother?”
I laughed bitterly. Understanding finally crept across his face.
“You only lost Vanya. You had the Kings. You had Marcel. But put yourself in his shoes for one second. He lost me. His girls.”
The tears came faster now. I shook my head.
“Our girls. The ones he desperately wanted. And to top it all off.” I looked straight into my brother’s eyes. “He lost the only family he has. So, thanks for that.”
His shoulders collapsed inward. “I didn’t think. I was…” he looked away “…angry.”
The admission sounded almost childlike. I shook my head in disbelief.
“Can you just leave? I don’t want to do this with you. You were angry, so that somehow justifies your actions. I can’t with you.”
“Sissy—”
“Don’t ‘Sissy’ me,” I screamed. “Do you know what a D & E is?”
His brow knitted together. I didn’t even let him try to answer.
“Look it up when you have some free time. Educate yourself and then come talk to me, brother.”
The room fell silent. He stared at me. Really stared. As though seeing the wreckage for the first time.
“With how everything went down, they weren’t even able to give me any ashes. I don’t even have the luxury you did with Vanya.”
His breathing faltered, and fresh tears blurred my vision.
